Little Johnny and Jacky are talking to each other.

Jacky says, “What does your dad do for a living?”

Little Johnny says, “He is a lawyer.”

Jacky says, “Honest?”

“No, just a regular lawyer.” says Little Johnny

One day an old person drove to his best friend’s barn farm and noticed his barn was on fire.

“Your barn’s burning down,” he yelled.

“I know it,” said the other old person , “I’m sittin’ here prayin’ for rain.”

A husband and wife were sitting and taking about their upcoming marriage anniversary. Husband asks her wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?

Wife – “Somewhere I have never been!”

Husband – “How about the kitchen?”

An old man walks into the tax collector’s office and sat down and smiled at everyone.

“May I help you?” said the clerk in charge.

“No,” said the old man. “I just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these years.”

At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, “Will you dance with me, please.?”

The arrogant girl says, ” I don’t dance with a kid.”

The taken back boy apologized, “I am sorry, I did not realize your were pregnant.”

The School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say your prayers before eating?”

“No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”

A husband was giving a speech on wife’s 30th birthday, he said

Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.

It’s my wife’s 30th birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

“Oh, I don’t know, she said . Just give me something with diamonds.”

That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

Husband: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday?

Wife: You told me to surprise you.

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk!

He runs around and yells, “Hey, bud, this is my car!” “OK,” the man says, “You take the front and I`ll take the back.”