My Meeting Attendance Record
I'm so bad at paying attention in meetings, I once nodded along for 20 minutes before realizing they were just reading the Slack status updates out loud.


















I'm so bad at paying attention in meetings, I once nodded along for 20 minutes before realizing they were just reading the Slack status updates out loud.
I told myself I'd hit the gym five days a week. Turns out I was hitting the snooze button five times before my workout.
San Jose fire departments need three things: water, equipment, and a really good explanation for why they're always arriving after the Instagram photos are already trending.
Having a dog is like having a roommate who pays rent in enthusiasm. Having a cat is like having a roommate who pays rent in judgment—silently, while watching you make mistakes.
I told my date I was looking for something serious. She said, 'Me too.' Then she checked her phone. Turns out we were both just serious about our streaming subscriptions.
Why do we call it a 'search' when Jodie Foster trends? We're not looking for her—she's already famous. We're just confirming she still exists. It's like Googling your own name to make sure you're real.