/ News Memes
/ News Memes
/ News Memes
/ News Memes
/ News Memes
/ Funny Jokes
/ Funny Jokes
/ Funny Jokes
/ Funny Jokes
/ Funny Jokes
/ News Memes
/ News Memes
/ News Memes
/ News Memes
/ Funny Jokes
/ Funny Animals
/ Funny Jokes
/ Funny Jokes
I honked at a guy for texting at a red light. He honked back. Then we both sat there honking at each other like angry geese until the light turned green and we both just drove away in shame, communicating more efficiently than we ever could've with words.
Nobody talks about how procrastination is just scheduling anxiety in reverse. You don't do the thing today, so tomorrow you can have that special feeling of panic mixed with last-minute adrenaline—basically free energy drinks that taste like regret.
Watching The Chi is like being in a relationship with a gym membership. You pay for it, feel guilty about it, and every few months you remember it exists and binge-watch three episodes before ghosting it for six months.
My dog starts the day wanting a walk. By afternoon, he's judging my life choices. By dinner, he's plotting to steal my sandwich AND my dignity.
My phone battery is like my motivation—it starts at 100%, drops to 20% by noon, and then refuses to function unless I plug it in and apologize.
I asked why California's vote counting takes so long. Turns out they're not slow—they're just reading every ballot twice to make sure it's not a text from their ex.