The Insomnia Speedrun
Night 1 of insomnia: I'll try deep breathing. Night 2: I reorganize my entire closet by thread count. Night 3: I'm convinced my pillow is plotting against me. Night 4: I'm the pillow's therapist now.


















Night 1 of insomnia: I'll try deep breathing. Night 2: I reorganize my entire closet by thread count. Night 3: I'm convinced my pillow is plotting against me. Night 4: I'm the pillow's therapist now.
I scheduled a meeting to discuss why we have too many meetings. We decided to schedule a follow-up meeting to review the findings. I've now become a meeting ouroboros.
Sam Neill's career is so timeless, scientists studied him to understand anti-aging. Turns out the secret is just not appearing in movies for 10 years—it's called the Neill effect.
Dogs are like coworkers who actually like you. Cats are like coworkers who tolerate you—until they knock your coffee off your desk and stare while you clean it up.
I texted my date 'I think you're amazing.' Autocorrect sent 'I think you're a mating.' Now I'm single and sound like a nature documentary.
I tried being the 'new girl' at my gym. Turns out that just means everyone watches me fall off the treadmill in a new and creative way.