Dating Requirements
I need three things in a relationship: someone who listens, someone who remembers what I said, and someone who doesn't remind me I was wrong about the thing I said.

/ News Memes

/ Funny Jokes

/ Funny Jokes

/ Funny Jokes

/ News Memes

/ Funny Jokes

/ News Memes

/ Funny Jokes

/ News Memes

/ Funny Jokes

/ News Memes

/ News Memes

/ News Memes

/ News Memes

/ Funny Jokes

/ Funny Jokes

/ Funny Jokes

/ Funny Jokes
I need three things in a relationship: someone who listens, someone who remembers what I said, and someone who doesn't remind me I was wrong about the thing I said.
I asked my dog why he loves me so much. He just wagged his tail. I asked my cat the same question. She knocked my phone off the table, stared at me, and went back to sleep. Guess which one's plotting something.
During this extreme heat warning, I tried to cook outside. My thermometer read 120°F. I read it as encouragement. Now my kitchen looks like a crime scene and my smoke detector's filing for emotional support.
I need three things to survive: a phone charger, a longer phone charger, and a third phone charger so I can finally remember where I left the first two.
I tried training my cat to fetch like a dog. Now I understand why cats are smarter—they watched me chase the toy, realized I'm the real pet, and started ignoring me professionally.
I started taking calcium supplements for stronger bones. My doctor said I'd feel the difference in a week. He was right—now when I fall, I break in more interesting ways.