Insomnia is the only condition where you're told to 'just rest your eyes'—as if your brain is a browser tab you can minimize. Mine's running 47 chrome windows at 3 AM. One of them is just refreshing the same email I sent 8 hours ago.
Online shopping is wild because you put 47 things in your cart, then spend 20 minutes staring at it like you're making a life decision. You're not buying anything—you're just checking if Future You is as confident as Present You. Spoiler: he's not.
Nobody talks about how inefficient the Trojan War strategy was. Ten years of fighting, then they just... leave a wooden horse outside the gates? Imagine if modern armies did that. 'Sorry, we're tired of invading. Here's a horse-shaped USB drive. Don't open it.'
I called tech support about my WiFi being slow. They asked if I'd tried restarting the router. I said 'obviously.' Turns out I'd been unplugging my phone charger for three months thinking that was it.
Night 1 of insomnia: I'll try some tea. Night 2: I reorganized my closet by thread count. Night 3: I'm a sleep consultant now—have 47 browser tabs about melatonin. Night 4: I've negotiated with my pillow. Night 5: I'm teaching my cat meditation because at least one of us should be functional.
ASML stock is up 10,000% searches. Turns out people aren't investing—they're just trying to pronounce it. 'Is it 'Az-mel'? 'As-mul'? I'll just buy it blindly and call it 'the chip company thing.'