The Coffee Confession
People say 'I can't function without coffee.' I say that too—but I mean it literally. Tried staying up all night once. By hour 18, I was having full conversations with my refrigerator about his feelings.


















People say 'I can't function without coffee.' I say that too—but I mean it literally. Tried staying up all night once. By hour 18, I was having full conversations with my refrigerator about his feelings.
I tried texting 'I love coffee' but autocorrect changed it to 'I love vodka.' Now my therapist thinks I have a problem. Spoiler: I do—it's that vodka isn't hot enough to sip at my desk.
Nintendo's suing Palworld for copying Pokémon mechanics. Meanwhile, Pokémon literally invented 'throw ball at creature, creature obeys.' If that's a unique concept, I should patent 'open door, walk through it.'
My dog started stealing socks, then graduated to entire pillows, and now he's reviewing my life choices while sitting on my laptop keyboard like he's a professional life coach charging by the keystroke.
My cooking has three stages: confident with the recipe, confused why it smells wrong, and calling it 'rustic' while ordering pizza to mask the evidence.
I tried to watch a late-night talk show host for career advice. Turns out the only thing they're qualified to teach is how to make fun of the news while wearing expensive suits and maintaining eye contact with a camera like it owes you money.