Cat vs Dog Furniture Rights
Owning a cat is like renting an apartment where the landlord also lives there—the furniture is technically yours, but they've clearly got squatter's rights.


















Owning a cat is like renting an apartment where the landlord also lives there—the furniture is technically yours, but they've clearly got squatter's rights.
Driving in traffic is like being in a relationship—you're both going nowhere, but at least you're stuck together in a confined space getting increasingly frustrated.
Scientists just announced a major breakthrough in agenus research. I got excited thinking they'd finally found a cure for getting older. Turns out it's just a biotech company. My wrinkles remain undefeated.
Night 1 of insomnia: I'll try deep breathing. Night 2: I reorganize my entire closet by thread count. Night 3: I'm convinced my pillow is plotting against me. Night 4: I'm the pillow's therapist now.
I scheduled a meeting to discuss why we have too many meetings. We decided to schedule a follow-up meeting to review the findings. I've now become a meeting ouroboros.
Sam Neill's career is so timeless, scientists studied him to understand anti-aging. Turns out the secret is just not appearing in movies for 10 years—it's called the Neill effect.