Meeting Notes Nobody Reads
I spent 47 minutes in a meeting to learn we could've sent an email. Now I'm spending another 20 minutes writing notes about the meeting nobody will read. This is how companies turn cubicles into haunted houses.

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I spent 47 minutes in a meeting to learn we could've sent an email. Now I'm spending another 20 minutes writing notes about the meeting nobody will read. This is how companies turn cubicles into haunted houses.
I told myself I'd only check Instagram for five minutes. My phone showed I had 47 minutes of screentime. Turns out five minutes is now a unit of measurement I invented.
Isn't it wild that 200+ people searched 'Sal Stewart' this week? Like, at some point doesn't Google just text you back: 'Buddy, I don't know either. We've all been looking.'
I need three things to sleep: a dark room, white noise, and the ability to stop my brain from replaying every awkward conversation from 2009.
Parents spend nine months telling their kids bedtime is sacred, then the moment they finally fall asleep, you're standing over them watching them breathe like you're waiting for the sequel to drop.
I heard Josh Gad is starting a new project. Turns out it's just him reading the script of his last movie out loud—he wanted to make sure someone actually finished it.