The WiFi Confession
I called tech support about my WiFi being slow. They asked if I'd tried restarting the router. I said 'obviously.' Turns out I'd been unplugging my phone charger for three months thinking that was it.


















I called tech support about my WiFi being slow. They asked if I'd tried restarting the router. I said 'obviously.' Turns out I'd been unplugging my phone charger for three months thinking that was it.
Night 1 of insomnia: I'll try some tea. Night 2: I reorganized my closet by thread count. Night 3: I'm a sleep consultant now—have 47 browser tabs about melatonin. Night 4: I've negotiated with my pillow. Night 5: I'm teaching my cat meditation because at least one of us should be functional.
ASML stock is up 10,000% searches. Turns out people aren't investing—they're just trying to pronounce it. 'Is it 'Az-mel'? 'As-mul'? I'll just buy it blindly and call it 'the chip company thing.'
Owning a cat is like renting an apartment where the landlord also lives there—the furniture is technically yours, but they've clearly got squatter's rights.
Driving in traffic is like being in a relationship—you're both going nowhere, but at least you're stuck together in a confined space getting increasingly frustrated.
Scientists just announced a major breakthrough in agenus research. I got excited thinking they'd finally found a cure for getting older. Turns out it's just a biotech company. My wrinkles remain undefeated.