My Soufflé's Rebellion
I made a soufflé last night and it collapsed faster than my will to live. The good news? My smoke detector has finally seen a meal that didn't need CPR.

















I made a soufflé last night and it collapsed faster than my will to live. The good news? My smoke detector has finally seen a meal that didn't need CPR.
Why is dating like a video game nobody read the instructions for? Everyone's swiping, nobody knows the objective, and you're pretty sure you failed the tutorial when you texted 'hey' at 2 AM after not talking for three months.
They say Son Heung-Min is on fire this season. His defense is also on fire. Literally everything is on fire. I think he's just really good at creating *heat* on the field—mostly because opponents keep getting burned by his speed.
Nobody complains about Monday mornings themselves—we complain about *getting up* for Monday mornings. Which means we'd happily stay in bed all week if we could. We're not against Mondays. We're against existing.
I'm so bad at parenting, my kids have started leaving me encouraging Post-it notes. Yesterday's said: 'You didn't burn dinner AND no one called CPS. Gold star, Dad!'
I started preparing for Hurricane Fausto. Day 1: bought water. Day 2: bought plywood. Day 3: bought a boat. Day 4: bought a submarine. Day 5: I'm now a marine biologist.