The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Read the rest of this entry »
Dear God,
I think you’d be proud of me! So far today I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent. I’m very thankful for that.
In a few minutes, though, I’m going to get out of bed. From then on I’m probably going to need a LOT of help.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
A shy collegian was deeply in love with a pretty girl, but he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to give it a go, and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a her a letter of proposal.
HE WROTE :
Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much meditation. I have a strong inclination to become your relation. As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my matriculation examination – no doubt, without any hesitation, and very little preparation. What do you say to thesolemnisation of our marriage celebration according to the glorification of modern civilisation and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.
On your approbation of the application, I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our augmentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation.
Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,
To remain victim of your fascination.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At a recent software engineering management course in the U.S., the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”
* C:\ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
* Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
* SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
* RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
* Press to continue …Smash forehead on keyboard to continue… Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue… Just do something!!
Read the rest of this entry »
* Buy a Pentium 686/300, so you can reboot faster.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2 (especially with the old Pentium chip).
* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
* My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.
* C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
* C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
* Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put in new ones.
Read the rest of this entry »
A: In this scene, a lawyer cross examines a doctor about a victim’s death.
Q: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
A: “No”
Q: “Did you check for breathing?”
A: “No”
Read the rest of this entry »
“Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents.”
“You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan.”
-Kirsten, AGE 10
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.”
-Anita, AGE 9
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.”
-Will, AGE 7
What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
Doughnut seeds!
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, “What is three times three?”
“274,” was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”
“Tuesday,” replies the second man.
Read the rest of this entry »
After a church service, a little boy told the Pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.”
“Well, thank you,” the Pastor replied, “that would be very nice of you,” he smiled, “but why?”
“Because my daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we’ve ever had.”
My wife came home yesterday and said, “Honey, the car won’t start, but I know what the problem is.” I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.
I thought for a moment, then said, “You know I don’t mean this badly, but you don’t know the carburetor from the accelerator.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Painting on a face instead of canvas.Gud work baby…
what a technician..
Nice reason to stop drinking water
Close the Explorer and go to sleep because….
The latest technology carlock which protect your car from everything except thiefs…
