Funny Cat Picture #7
Truly Funny Quotes
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, “How many people died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, “About 1,500.” “That’s right! You may enter.” St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
KungFu vs. Yoga – Funniest Clip
Indians are too good in this..laughing out loud (lol)
Answer this if you can – Really Funny
You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?
The telephone.
You can’t keep this until you have given it.
Your word.
There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?
There is only really three people…a grandfather, the father, and the father’s son who each get $7.
Read the rest of this entry »
Few Funny Definitions
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
Funny Bill Gates Facts!!!
1.Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that’s about US$20 Million a DAY and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!
2.If he drops a thousand dollars, he won’t even bother to pick it up bcoz the 4 seconds he picks it, he would’ve already earned it back.
3.The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion, if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.
4.He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still be left with US$5 Million for his pocket money.
5.Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he doesn’t drink and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e. US$30 Million, he’ll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates
is now.
6.If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest country on earth.
7.If you change all of Bill Gate’s money to US$1 notes, you can make a road from the earth to moon, 14 times back and forth.! But you have to make that road non-stop for 1400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747 planes to transport all the money.
8.Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live for another 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish all his money before he goes to heaven.
To Conclude
If Microsoft Windows’ users can claim US$1 for every time their
computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be bankrupt
in 3 years !!
Funny Driver
One day Mr President was traveling by his car. Suddenly a pig came before
the car. The driver couldn’t hit the brake at the right time and
unfortunately the pig was killed in the accident.
At the sight Mr President was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the
driver and said,”call the person whose pig has been killed,i will give him a compensation “.
At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and
lots of money in his hands!!!
Funny Questions and Answers (continued)
What’s the best or fastest way to tune a banjo?
With wirecutters.
What is the best way to keep food bills down?
Use a paperweight!
What tools do you need in math class?
Multi-Pliers
What happens when the Queen burps?
She issues a royal pardon.
What did Billy say after he learned how to count money?
“It all makes cents now!”
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back to you?
A stick
(They’re all sticks to me!)
Funny Questions and Answers
Who has the most fun when you tickle a mule?
He may enjoy it but you’ll get a bigger kick out of it.
If Johns mom has 5 sons and their names are Ja, Je, Ji, and Jo.
Who is the last one?
John.
On your way home you take a right and three lefts then you see two men in masks.
Who are those men?
They are the umpire and the catcher.
What do you get when you cross Pikachu with Exeggcute?
Fried Eggs!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs.
What could you call the small rivers that flow into the Nile?
Juveniles. What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
What kind of flower do you have between your nose and your chin?
Tulips.
Funny Phrases – Answer the questions if you can:)
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest,
but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes.
Why is it called a HAMBURGER, when it’s made out of BEEF?
Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?
What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
If “Con” is the Opposite of “Pro”….then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients….
but DISH WASHING LIQUID comtains real lemons?
How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn’t grow in it?
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to “CURE” it?
Why do we wash BATH TOWELS-aren’t we clean when we use them?
Funny And Strange Facts
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis’ middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
Funny Riddles 6
Why are 1980 pennies worth almost $20?
1,980 pennies equals $19.80, which is almost $20.
Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36. Or 18 plus 19 are 36?
Actually neither is correct – 18 plus 19 is 37!
Is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time?
Yes, if you stand back to back.
In a marathon race what does the winning runner lose?
Their breath!
Why didn’t Beethoven finish the Unfinished Symphony?
The Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven!
What has holes but holds water?
A sponge
Funny Riddles 5
What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time, and the beginning of every ending?
The letter “E”.
What do some men have they don’t want, but would not part it for a million dollars?
A bald head.
A hundred feet in the air, but it’s back is on the ground.
What is it?
A centipede flipped over.
A father’s child, a mother’s child, yet no one’s son.
A Daughter.
Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not.
What am I?
Forward I am ton, backwards I am not.
What do you fill with empty hands?
Gloves
What has a foot on each side and one in the middle?
A yardstick.