Funny Junk

My Dearest Nikki,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

**********

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn’t control seeing me
(c) really … Am I doing it?

**********

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

**********

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I’ll like your song

**********

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don’t know

**********

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend’s because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won’t feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don’t know

**********

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn’t get into your bus…

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn’t notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

**********

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

**********

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

**********

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

**********

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don’t delay in expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it’s getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love, John

************ *********

Nikki’s reply letter was also in Q/A format ………

John ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

**********

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside….. Right ?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn’t you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali ) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No

**********

7) Shouldn’t I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana’s flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

9) Oh was that your birthday. That’s why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered “Yes” to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered “No”, then you don’t know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you ..

One Year has again passed by
Time has wings and is set to fly
Earlier i used to wait for the birthday
Wait for the hour of that D- day

But No celebrations as for now
My life has shorten, yes i know
No worries no tensions
I am celebrating Birthday with my pension

Being Old is not that funny
Lying on the bed makes us big fat bunny
But still i love the candles and cake
Would surely want some more birthday cakes to bake

No matter how old i am
I am still a rockstar’s fan
Enjoy the party have some fun
Enjoy the warmth of the sun
Ballons and bells for the occasion
To decorate the birthday boy we need no reason.

Happy Birthday – Enjoy being older
Specially Made for Funny Junk

Dear best friend i want to tell you………
if you cry, i’ll cry with you
if you laugh, i’ll laugh with you
if you jump out a window………..
i’ll laugh even harder!!

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, “How much for a season pass?”

# More babies are born in September than in any other month

# 53% of Americans think they are paid the right amount.

# About 8,000 Americans are injured by musical instruments each year.

# One in twelve Americans alphabetize their spice rack.

# 95% of the creatures on earth are smaller than a chicken egg.

# 57% of women would rather go on a shopping spree than have sex.

# 63% of pet owners sleep with their pets.

# There are twice as many billionares in the U.S. today as there were 10 years ago.

# 25% of the fish you eat are raised on fish farms.

# 1 in 4 people admit to searching in their host’s medicine cabinets.

# 48% of men think balding has a negative effect on business and social relationships.

# The average American dog will cost its owner $14,600 in its lifetime.

# The Ratio of people to T.V. in the world is 6 to 1.

# 58% of school kids say pizza is their favorite cafeteria food.

# 32% of singles polled think they will meet their future mate online.

# In 1948, 2.3% of American households had televisions. Today 99% do.

# In 1998, 58% of American adults were married and living with their spouses, an all time low.

# The top three products for coupon redemption are cold cereal, soap, and deodorant.

# One in three dog owners say they have talked to their pets on the phone.

# 46% of violence on T.V. occurs in cartoons.

# Only about 5% of people dream in color.

# 80% of high school atheletes, male and female, say they have been hazed.

# 65% of American adolescents get acne.

# 1 in 6 employees say they got so mad at a co#worker last year that “they felt like hitting them but didn’t.”

# The average American drinks 3.4 cups of coffee a day.

# 85% of parents use child safety seats incorrectly.

# The average American kid catches 6 colds a year, the average kid in daycare catches 10.

# The average American male laughs 69 times a day where the average woman laughs 55 times a day.

# 85% of obscene calls are made by males.

# 5% of Americans never get married.

# 60% of the county of Leichtenstein’s GDP is generated from the sale of false teeth.

# If a girl owns one barbie, she most likely owns seven.

# 50% of American adults attended an arts activity in 1997.

# People aged 24#35 worry less than adults of other age groups.

# 5% of Americans say they “never” make their beds.

# The average person moves their residence 11 times in their life, about once every 6 years.

# 35% of people watching T.V. yell at it.

# One in seven Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a map.

# American office workers send an average of 36 e#mails per day.

# 23% of workers said they would work harder if their employer offered a “$1,000 shopping spree at a store of their choice.”

# Only 30% of U.S. adults actually have dandruff while 50% are “self consious about it.”

# 32% of women and 8% of men say they are better at doing laundry than their spouse.

# 13% of the letters in a given book are “e”.

# The average age kids begin to use a microwave is seven.

# The average American uses 730 crayons by the age of 10.

# 63% of American adults will rent at least 1 video this month.

# The average sleeper rolls over 12 times in bed per night.

# The Pentagon uses an average of 666 rolls of toilet paper each day.

# More babies are conceived in December than any other month.

# Your left hand does an average of 56% of your typing.

# It takes an average person seven minutes to fall asleap on an average night.

# About 8% of the students at the Dunkin Doughnuts training center fail the six week course.

# The avarage speed of a golf ball in flight during the PGA tour is 160 mph.

# 85% of phone calls are conducted in the English language.

# The Earth is turning to desert at a rate of 40 square miles per day.

# 99% of India’s truck drivers can’t read road signs.

# 80% of deaths in U.S. casinos are caused by sudden heart attacks.

# 12% of U.S. businessmen wear their ties so tight that they restrict the blood flow to their brain.

# 3% of all photos taken in the U.S. are taken at Disney Land or Disney World.

# Nearly 6% of all marriage proposals are made over the telephone.

A blonde was going to send his boy to school and was discussing with the principal what courses he should take.

The principal was talking about math courses and suggested he would probably later on take geometry and trigonometry.

The blonde heard this and said “Great! Be sure and give him lot’s of that there triggernometry! He’s got to be the worst shot with a rifle of anybody I have ever seen!”

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book… if I still remember how.

8 ) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Q: What is the ideal cockpit crew?

A: A pilot and a dog…the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.

Q: How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: How do you know if a pilot is at your party?

A: He’ll tell you.

Q: How do you know when you are half way through a date with a pilot?

A: Because he says: “Thats enough about flying, let’s talk about me”!

Q: What’s the purpose of the propeller?

A: To keep the pilot cool. If you don’t think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. ” ~Frank Sinatra

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” ~

Henny Youngman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”

~ Stephen Wright

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When

we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.

Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” ~ Brian O’Rourke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

~ Benjamin Franklin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” ~ Dave Barry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you