Economics Of the World

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

*INDIAN ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You worship them.

* PAKISTAN ECONOMICS*
You don’t have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world

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Marketing In Practice – So Simple

Professor at Harvard explaining marketing concepts to Students
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. “Marry me!” – That’s Direct Marketing”

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich. “Marry him.” -That’s Advertising”

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich. “Marry me – That’s Telemarketing”

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: “By the way, I’m rich. Will you “Marry Me?” – That’s Public Relations

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Useless Facts

1. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That’s where the phrase, “goodnight, sleep tight” came from.

2. The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” Uses every letter in the alphabet.
(developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications.)

3. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

4. The term “the whole 9 yards” came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the..50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got “the whole 9 yards.”

5. The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

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Girl And Relationships

Girl can break all kind of relationships 🙂

The best relation ever is between two eyes,

”
they blink together,
they move together,
they cry together,
they see together and sleep together”.

STILL they never see directly at each other.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.

Moral of the story:
Girl can break all kind of relationships 🙂

Rubbish Dumping

A man was hailed into court for dumping rubbish in a forbidden area.

The judge asked, “Didn’t you see the sign posted there?”

“Yes sir, I sure did,” replied the man.

“It says real plain in big letters . . .

‘FINE FOR DUMPING’!'”

Pity for the Husband

The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.

The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been so “matter-of-fact” about the whole thing all during the trial.

“Mrs. Roth,” he began, “was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband ?”

“Well… yeah… I guess…” she replied.

“And when was that?” pressed the attorney.

“Well…,” she replied, “when he asked for his third cup.”

Fair Settlement

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client. “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”

“Fair to both ?!?!?!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do you think I hired a lawyer for ?”

Charged for Stealing a Benz

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”

“Why?” asked the judge. “He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?”

“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”

At the Trial

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question.

“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”

Accused of Theft

“Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What’s more, he only speaks a few words of English.”

The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?”

The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!”

Clinton in a French Restaurant

Russian President Boris Yeltsin, Mexican President Ernesto Zedilo and American X President Bill Clinton are in France in a restaurant.

The waiter asks, “Le cafe”?
All of them answer, “Oui!”

The waiter looks at Zedilo, “Le tequila?”
Zedilo answers, “Oui!”

The waiter looks at Yeltsin, “Le vodka?”
Yelstin answers, “Oui!”

Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton, “Le whiskey?”
Clinton answers, “PLEASE, DON’T MENTION THAT !!!”

Bill Clinton’s Clock

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It’s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, “I’m not very busy today, why don’t you let me show you around?”

The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks.

The guy asks, “What’s up with these clocks?”

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11th Commandment

Last week, God, His Faithful Son, the Pope and Moses and His Messenger Gabriel had a very important meeting. They were troubled by the President of the United States’ inappropriate behavior. They decided that the only viable course of action left was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across to him.

The problem they faced was how to word this new commandment so that it equaled the other commandments in style and holy inspiration. After great meditation and discussion, they concluded that number 11 should read:

“Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.”

Politicians on a Bus Accident

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, “I buried ’em all… out back.”

The sheriff then asked, “Were they ALL dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

Politician Son

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path… so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren’t at home.

The father told the mother, “If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a priest – but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they’d be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also.

Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: “Darn, it’s even worse than I ever imagined…”

“What do you mean?” his wife inquired.

“Our son is going to be a politician!”

Funny Congressman

A first-time Congressman was being interviewed by the local paper.

“Mr. Congressman,” said the reporter, “when you get to Washington, are you going to be a pawn for the powerful interests that most of your constituents think will control you?”

“I resent that question, Sir,” the Congressman replied. “I do not plan to take my wife to Washington.”

Funny Monkey Picture #12

Funny Monkey Picture #12

Funny Monkey Picture #11

Funny Monkey Picture #11

Funny Monkey Picture #10

Funny Monkey Picture #9

Funny Monkey Picture #9