Four Ants are moving through a forest.They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later
The User is still adamant that he is
right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me
know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
why did the rooster hope the wall?
too get too mexico!!!!!
haha lol.
What type of fish can write underwater?
A PENguin!
when do you know when icecream is too cold for a blonde????
… they stick it in the microwave
Ques : What do you call a cow with a crown?
Ans: A dairy queen.
Ques: Why did Hitler kill all of the people who weren’t German or Japanese?
Ans: Because he didn’t want to pay for the gas bill!
knock! knock !
whos is there?
nobody
nobody who?
” “
John to matts “Have you ever seen the movie constipated?”
Matt= no
John=Why?
Matt= because it never came out!
See the various funny activities done by cats
Listen carefully and try to figure out what the cat is saying to you 🙂
Watch out the hilarious cat video.See the funny stuff done by the cats
Its really a very funny cat video..A cat doing various idiotic actions.
There were three girls- a blond, a red head, and a brunette. They were at a crime scene and they didn’t want to be accused of anything, (They were innocent) so they each hid in a sack.
A policeman came by and said, “Who’s in there?” to the first sack. The red head was pretending to be a pig, so she said; “Oink, Oink.” The policeman came by the second sack and said, “Who’s in there?” The brunette was pretending to be a cat, so she said,”Meow.” The policeman came by the third sack and said, “Who’s in there?” The blonde finally decided what to be and said, “A sack of potatoes!”
There were these three girls. A blonde, a red head and a brunette. They went to the bar together and the bartended watched them come it and they looked at his mirror and he said to them
“Watch out … if you lie to that mirror you will be sucked in …. but if you tell the truth you will get your heart’s desire granted. ”
They were amazed and wanted to try it out… so they all walked up to the mirror and the red head said “I am smart ” and she walked away with a million dollars.
Then the brunette walked up and said “I am awesome ” and she walked away with a tall brunette man with a nice italian suit and perfect hair on her arms.
The blonde was amazed but she didnt know what to say about herself so she was thinking and she said “I thi…nk…. ”
and got sucked in.
Q. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to turn the house around
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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9:00 Starting time
9:15 Arrive at work
10:00 Coffee break
11:00 Check e-mail
11:30 Prepare for lunch
12:00 Lunch
2:00 Browse the Internet
3:00 Tea break
3:30 Check e-mail again
4:00 Prepare to go home
4:45 Go home
5:00 Finishing Time
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked him.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”