Yo mamma so fat that when I try driving around her, my car runs out of gas bafore I get 1/4 of the way around. I even have a full tank!
This post was submitted by Dez- the nerd.
yo momma so fat she steped on 4th avenue and landed on 12th avenue.
Three contractors . . . one from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.
The English contractor : takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says. “I figure the job will cost $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me.”
The German contractor : also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Indian contractor doesn’t measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: “$2,700.”
The official incredulously says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
“Easy,” the Indian explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!”
There was a ventriloquist visiting a large town for a show. In the middle of his act, he starts with the blonde jokes. A blonde in the third row stands up to protest. “How could you be so mean!? Why do you guys always make fun of us just because of our hair color? In fact, I’m pretty smart!………” Then the ventriloquist interrupts her little fit and says “Hey, they’re just jokes.” She replies “Shut up, bigmouth. I’m talking to that stupid puppet- thing on your knee.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a robber who escaped from jail together. The redhead hid in a dog house, the robber hid in a cat house, and the blonde hid in a potatoes sack. The cops came to the dog house and listened in. The red- head said “Woof!” The cops then moved on to the cat house. The robber said “Meow!” The cops checked the area around the potatoes sack and heard “Potatoes!” The cops chased them further and they all climbed up trees. The cops pulled out their guns and prepared. “Ready, aim…” “TORNADO!” said the red- head. The cops were startled, looked around a bit, and the red- head escaped. They continued toward the robber’s tree. “Ready, aim…” “HURRICANE!!!” yelled the robber. Again they were frightened by the outburst and looked around. The robber escaped also. They finally proceeded to the tree with the blonde. “Ready, aim…” “FIRE!!!!!” screamed the blonde.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Q: How do you kill a blonde’s sister?
A: Tell her to go give her CPR(Cardiopulmonary resuscitation).
Ques. Why did they old man put wheels on his rocking chair?
Ans. So he could rock and roll!!!!!!!!
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.
She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:
“My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family”,
she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.”
“What do you mean my child?” asked the patriarch of the family.
What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to control your son!
ur mums so fat she has to wear 2 watches coz she take up 2 time zones
If you get this kind of errors in Windows 2000 don’t worry..These are some of the few ones which are specifically planned 🙂
*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
*This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
*User Error: Replace user.
*If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have security?
* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
*Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
*Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
yo mamma so ugly she gave freddy couger nightmares
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man….if only I knew A B C….)
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)
4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)
5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)
6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)
7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh…huh!)
8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)
9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work!)
Your moma is so fat she plays pool with the planets.
by -david catarino
your moma so fat last time she went to mc donalds she orderd 10 cheese burgers and she ate them all at the same time …….
by – brandon cawood
Do you do this kind of prayer before going to office? If not start doing it from today 🙂
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”
Yo Mama is so fat when god said let there be light she had to move
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: “Uh … How’s that working?” Blonde: “Actually, I haven’t gotten any letters yet.” Psychiatrist: “And why do you think that is?” Blonde: “I figure it’s because when I’m driving around, my zip code keeps changing.”
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.The interviewer decides to start with the basics.’So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh .. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you tell us your height, please?’ The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top ofher head. She checks the measurement and announces,’Five foot two!’ This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. ‘And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?’ The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,before replying, ‘Mandy!’ The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, ‘Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?’ ‘Ohh that!’, replies the blonde, ‘That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….”
A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office. The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already. I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.” So the dentist ask him, “Which tooth is it sir?”
The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.”
A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, Sandy said, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The boy hesitated, then said, “Okay”, looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked “Why are you standing here all alone? Why don’t you go and join those boys playing football over there?” “Because,” the little boy said with great exasperation, “I’m the bloody goalie
A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos. She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, ”It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold”
The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one.
The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object.
The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, ”What do you have in it?” she says, ”Soup, and ice cream!’