The Funniest Blonde Joke
I knew a blonde that was so stuid that…….
*she called me to get my phone number.
*she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”
I knew a blonde that was so stuid that…….
*she called me to get my phone number.
*she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”
At a stadium, a comedian was sent in. He would tell the audience 99 funny jokes. If you got to the end without laughing at any of the jokes, you would win a billion pounds. So, only a blonde was left at the last joke. Suddenly, she started laughing before the joke began. As she came out, everyone asked her why she started laughing. She said, “I’m sorry, but that first joke was just too funny!”
2 blondes are sitting @ the beach in the middle of the night.
1 blonde asks the other “Which do u think is closer. The moon or Florida?”
The other blonde thinks about it for a minute and funally answers “The moon”
1st blonde asks y.
2nd blonde says “We can see the moon. Duh”
A teacher was talking to kids about “being good” and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk, she asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“Heaven! Heaven!” Yelled Little Lisa.
“And what do you have to be to get there?” asked the teacher.
“Dead!” Yelled Little Johnny.
Coca Cola went to town, Diet Pepsi shot him down. Dr Pepper fixed him up, now we’re drinking 7up. 7up got the flew, now we’re drinkin Irn Bru. Irn Bru fell down a mountain, now we’re drinking from a fountain. Fountain broke. People choke. Now we’re back to driking coke 😉
*~*Boy*~*
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I think you’re hot
And sexy too
Xx_Girl_xX
Roses are red
Violets are blue
How many girls
Have you said that too
Yo mama is soo fat when she jumps for joy,she gets stuck.
– Josh
yo mamma so poor when i walked in her house the front door i just got out the back
-john liu
yo mama so stupid she put makeup on her head to make up her mind
– blake
ya mum is so fat she makes free willy look like a tic tac.
– reed
ya mum is so ugly she makes an onion cry.
– reed
yo mama so stupid she drank some red bull then went and fell of a clif
– the soundtrack
yo mama so fat and ugly some aliens saw here and went back to there planet
– the soundtrack
yo mama so stupid she thought E-40 the rapper was a vitamin
– the soundtrack
yo mama so fat they almost rented here at a rent a car shop
– the soundtrack
yo mama so fat that when she fell it started a earthquake it will be coming to u hati
– the soundtrack
yo mama so fat that they thought they had reached the top of mounteveris
– the soundtrack
yo mamma is so poor she rob a bank for only 10 cent in 1 month
yo mamma so dumb she wears her shoe on her hand
A blonde and a brunete r takin a walk in the park wen suddenly the brunete goes ‘LOOK A DEAD BIRD!’ and in reply the blonde looks up in the sky and goes’where!?’
What Do you call someone who lives in a mailbox
Bill because there will be bills in your mailbox
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented
MAKEUP………………………
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented
GOSSIP…………………………..
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented
DIET…………………………..
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE
TRIANGLES………………………….
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented
SHOPPING………………………..
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things…
While the women STUCK
to shopping……………………
There was a blonde, a brunnette, and a red-head that were stranded on an island. A genie saw them and said “I will give you each one wish, so you might escape.” The brunnette said “I wish I had a boat!” and the genie made a boat so she got off the island. Then the red-head said “I wish she had an airplane!” And the genie gave her an airplane and she flew off the island. Then the blonde said “I’m lonely I wish my friends were back!” and the genie made the red-head and the brunnette come back…..
You must be a parking ticket coz you got fine written all over you
Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?
Grab your coat you’ve pulled
Your mama’s so dumb she stared at a orange juice box, because it said concentrate.
– Michelle
Yo mama is so fat Jesus cant even lift her spirits!
– prisionmike16191
yo mamas brain is so small and her head is so big that when she tried to think her head exploded
– panda 3932
yo mama so stupid when her husband said its chilly outside she brought a spoon
– david
yo mamma’s so ugly she turned medusa to stone
yo mama’s so black that when she went to night school they marked her absent
yo mama’s so stupid she tried to swim in Justin Timber lake
yo mama’s so stupid she thought Brittany Spears was a weapon
The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a boy: Henry do you see the tree outside?
Henry : Yes.
TEACHER: Henry , do you see the grass outside?
Henry : Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
Henry: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God up there?
Henry: No.
TEACHER: That’s my point. We can’t see God because he isn’t there. Possibly he just doesn’t exist.
A girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.The teacher agreed and the girl asked the boy: Henry, do you see the tree outside?
Henry: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Henry do you see the grass outside?
Henry: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
Henry: Yessssss!
GIRL: Henry, do you see the teacher?
Henry: Yes
GIRL: Do you see her brain?
Henry: No
GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!
Mr Sharma asked Mrs Sharma why did you write salt in the box containing sugar.
Mrs Sharma: To confuse ants and not to confuse myself
Your mother uses your father’s one
Your Aunt uses your Uncle’s
Your grandma uses you grandpa’s
Your sister uses you brother in law’s
Guess what is it??
Surname, you dirty mind
lOol
The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself. “My salespeople just don’t know how to sell vaccumms!” he said. “I will show them how to make a sale!”
He pulled up to an old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked confidently on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls and an old baseball cap on his head answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $2,000 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $700 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the well-dressed and impeccably groomed CEO. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, sir, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Get lost, Mister fancy suit!” said the old man. “I haven’t got any money. Get out of here!” and he proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his highly polished Italian shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty, sir!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. If you will allow me!”
The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his living room carpet.
“I will make a bet with you, sir! Any amount! If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will pay up! I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE! Just name your price!”
“I don’t want yer money, suit boy” said the old man angrily. “I told you take your Armonte suit and get out!”
But the CEO corrected him, “That is ARMANI. And I am going to clean up all of the mud I dropped! If you don’t want money, what DO you want? Just name it!”
The old man looked the CEO up and down, and then up and down again. His face broke into a sly grin.
“Alright, suit boy, here’s the bet: if you don’t clean it all up, I’ll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer what I got on. It looks to me like we’re about the same size. Now I don’t just mean your nice Armani suit. I mean everything you got on: that pretty tie, those shiny shoes, yer shirt, yer belt, everything! Even yer socks. And all you get are my overalls and my cap in return. Nothin’ else. Deal?”
“My clothes?!” said the CEO in surprise. “You want me to bet my CLOTHES? Well, I didn’t expect that, but of course, that’s fine! I’ll give you all my clothes if I don’t clean up every bit of dirt!” His smiled beamed with confidence.
“And I’ll take yer wristwatch, too..And you gotta wear my cap, too” said the old man.
“Of course! My Omega Seamaster!” the CEO chuckled. “Now I will get to work..”
“Lemme ask you somethin’, pal…Where are you goin’ when you leave here?”
The CEO answered in an arrogant voice: “To a VERY important business conference! WHY?”
“Will they let you in if yer barefoot?” said the old man.
“Of course not! But I have no intention of showing up in my bare feet!” said the surprised CEO. “But what…”
“How much did you pay for those socks you’ve got on? I had my eye on them” asked the old man.
“Thirty dollars” said the bewildered CEO.
“I ain’t never worn thirty dollar socks before!” said the old man. “It will be kinda hard for a bigshot like you to wear overalls in place of a suit to work, I guess! But there’s always a first time!” said the old man.
“WHAT?!” said the confused CEO.
“What do you call them shiny shoes? Are they Eyetalian?” said the old man.
“Yes, they are Ferragamos, but why are you….?” and the CEO was even more bewildered.
“Sounds good to me. And will you show how me to tie a necktie? And how to work them cufflinks?” said the old man…
One hour later, the door of the apartment opened, and the CEO carefully looked out. Seeing that no one was around, his foot appeared.
A bare foot.
He stepped out into the hallway – dressed only in very dirty overalls, and barefoot. The old ball cap was placed on top of his neatly styled hair. His expensive executive suit, shoes, shirt and tie had vanished, and his watch was gone from his wrist, along with his confidence and dignity.
The old man watched him run away to his car with a grin, admiring the expensive Armani pinstriped suit and silk tie he had just acquired. He then sat down and pulled on the CEO’s thirty dollar socks and then eased his feet into the former owner’s mirror-shined Italian shoes.
“Now I gotta see about payin’ that electric bill…”
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head, and they were captured by Native Americans. The punishment was to be shot. At the red-head’s execution the cheif asked if she had any last words the red-head replied “Tornado!” they all turned and she got away. At the brunettes the cheif asked the same thing and she replied “hurricane!” they all looked and she got away, at the blondes the cheif asked the same thing and she said “Fire!”….
A blonde was in Florida and she wanted to buy alligator boots. So she went to a flea market and walked up to a stand selling some. “How much for a pair of alligator boots?” she asked the man. The man replied “$600”. She said “I can get some myself for way less then that!” and she walked away. Later that day the man was driving home and he saw the blonde in a swamp holding a gun. He stopped the car and watched. An alligator swam towards her and she shot it and dragged it on shore flipped it over and shook her head and went back in the swamp. He noticed there was four other alligators on the shore dead and on their backs.He watched as she did this again and after dragging the alligator on shore he heard her say “Darn. No boots on this one either!”
An old man was out watering his garden when his blonde neighbor came out. She walked to her mailbow, opened it, closed it and walked back inside. A couple minutes later she came out again opened her mailbox and closed it. She did this a couple of times and each time she seemed to get angrier. Finally the old man watched as she walked to the mailbow looked in it and slammed it shut. The old man asked “Why do you keep checking your mailbox?” the blonde looked at him and replied “My computer keeps saying I got mail!”