Teacher and Student
Teacher: How many letters are there totally in “A.B.C.D”?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just “A.B.C.D”
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.
Teacher: How many letters are there totally in “A.B.C.D”?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just “A.B.C.D”
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.
Age 15 – 20
Woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild.
Age 20 – 30
Woman is like America.Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.
Age 30 – 35
Woman is like India & Japan.Very hot, wise and beautiful !
Age 35 – 40
Woman is like France.She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.
Age 40 – 50
Woman is like Germany, lost the war but not the hope.
Age 50 – 60
Woman is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.
Age 60 – 70
Woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future.
After 70, woman become Siberia.Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
I was a little surprised when my son suddenly announced one day after church, “I am thinking of being a Minister when I grow up.” “Why is that?” I asked. “Well, I figure I have to go to church on Sundays anyway, and I think it’ll be more fun to stand and yell then to just sit and listen.”
Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN
Watch out for the idiot behind me!
If you’re rich, I’m single!
Don’t Follow me I am LOST!!!
CAUTION! – Driver legally blonde!
Honk all you want – I’m deaf.
Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Bowling on the sidewalk is illegal.
Growing oleander flowers is illegal.
Crushing rocks in the city limits is forbidden.
Foretelling the future for donations is illegal.
Getting drunk on a playground is against the law.
Driving a herd of cattle down a street is against the law.
All dog waste must be removed from any yard within seven days.
Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.
Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.
Children may not wear a Halloween mask unless they get a special permit from the sheriff.
Teacher: “Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?”
Student: “No idea miss”
Teacher told angrily: “Bark, Amy”.
Amy: “Bow Wow Wow Miss”
A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, “Praise the lord.” This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, “there is no Lord.”
One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch. The next morning the lady screamed, “praise the Lord, who gave me this food.” The neighbor screamed “it wasn’t the Lord, it was me.” The lady replied “praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!”
Doctor- You’re overweight
Lady- I think I want a second opinion
Doctor- OK, you’re also ugly.
Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.
I’m retired – goodbye tension, hello pension!
A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
It is illegal to string a wire across any road.
No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
No one can carry a bow and arrow within city limits.
It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
Intentionally avoiding walking on the cracks in the pavement is illegal.
Waking a bear for the purpose of taking photographs is strictly prohibited.
A person may only carry a concealed slingshot if that person has paid for the appropriate license.
Stealing snow from a neighbors garden to make a snowman is against the law but you can use it for an igloo.
No more than six girls may live in any house.
Women are forbidden from wearing pants in public.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
You can’t walk through a hotel lobby with spurs on.
Children are not allowed to sing nursery rhymes after 8 pm.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while wearing a swimsuit.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
It is illegal to eat grass from any area where sheep or cows are grazing.
Face masks may not be worn in public.
Blue jeans are illegal on Noble Street.
Bathing in city fountains is prohibited.
Elephants must not be placed in electric ovens.
It is a criminal offence call a policeman, “Shitface”.
It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity.
Courting couples must not hold hands while dining in a restaurant.
It is against the law to have an ice cream cone in your back pocket.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a motor vehicle.
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
A young lawyer died and was brought to heaven. Upon arriving the lawyer started protesting that it’s way to early for him to day, for he was only 45 years old, and there must be some mistake. The listening angel agreed that perhaps it was a mistake and agreed to look into it. After a few minutes the angel came back and said “I’m sorry sir but I am afraid there is no mistake, we calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 90.
The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest. “I know I am going to die” he said ” and I would like to take my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.” It was a few days after the funeral when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back. “I’m glad you brought it up” said the doctor, “because I have also been feeling guilty, I only put $80,000 back.” “You people should be ashamed of yourselves” stormed the lawyer “stealing money like that, am I the only honest person here? Here look at this” he said pulling out his check book, “look I wrote out a check for the full $150,000!”
A foreman of a factory was making his rounds inspecting how all of the workers were doing their jobs. “Well” he said to one blond worker, “I see you are doing a very diligent job stamping all of the boxes ‘THIS SIDE UP’. “Yes” the worker replied, eager to please, “and just to be extra sure I stamped the bottom also!”
Q.How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A.His lips are moving
Q. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A. Sue.
Student– “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?”
TEACHER – “Of course not.”
Student– “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
1. Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
2. Tug of War was an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920.
3. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache on a standard playing card!
4. The practice of identifying baseball players by number was started by the Yankees in 1929.
5. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
1. The electric chair was invented by a dentist!
2. The first alarm clock could only ring at 4 a.m.
3. Originally, BMW was an airplane engine manufacturer.
4. Thomas Alva Edison patented almost 1,300 inventions in his lifetime!
5. It takes six months to build a Rolls Royce…and 13 hours to build a Toyota.
6. The first hard drive available for the Apple II had a capacity of only 5 megabytes.
7. First four countries to have television: England, the U.S., the U.S.S.R., and Brazil.
8. To have your picture taken by the very first camera you would have had to sit still for 8 hours!