Funny Junk

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.The gang was very happy to escape.

“It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted., “We got $25 between us.”

The boss screamed, “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers… we had $100 when we broke in!”

While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” she said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.”

“Honey,” he replied with a grin, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!”

Prove that 3=4

Suppose:
a + b = c

This can also be written as:
4a – 3a + 4b – 3b = 4c – 3c

After reorganizing:
4a + 4b – 4c = 3a + 3b – 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

A man wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply: “For HEAVEN’S SAKE, Dad, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the money!”

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son’s reply was: “Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I could do from here.”

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”

“Of course not, dear,” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”

“The tombstone back there said…’Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'”

A man is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend stops him and asks, “Hey! Whacha get the case of beer for?”

“I got it for my wife, eh.” answers the first man.

“Oh!” exclaims the other, “Good trade.”

Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.

Husband: Oh! Let’s better call the ambulance then.

Joseph, a blind person meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer. Tiger Woods becomes skeptical about a blind playing golf but says nothing

“When I tee off, ” the blind man explains, “I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim.”

Tiger is impressed, and Joseph suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Joseph asks, “How about if we play for $100,000?”

Tiger insists he couldn’t possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.

But Joseph requests until Tiger finally relents and says, “OK, it’s your money… when do you want to play?”

Joseph replies, “I’ll play on any NIGHT you choose!”

Choose any two number a and b,
Let t = a + b.

Then
a + b = t
(a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b)
a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb
a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb
a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – tb + (t^2)/4
(a – t/2)^2 = (b – t/2)^2
a – t/2 = b – t/2
a = b

So all numbers are the same, and math is useless.