Funny Junk

You and Me = Grand Unification

I’m hung like a Foucault pendulum.

Can I have your significant digits?

You’re more special than relativity.

Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.

Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.

Like the ideal vacuum, you’re the only thing in my universe.

Heisenberg was wrong. I’m certain about what you’re doing tonight.

I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun – with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

Teacher: “Where did the Pilgrims ( of thanksgiving) come from?”

Little Johnny: “Their parents, of course!”

Full forms of Marine
M- Muscles
A- are
R- required
I- intelligence
N- not
E- expected,
S- Sir!

Full forms of Army
A- Ain’t a
R- real
M- Marine
Y- yet.

Full forms of Navy
N- Never
A- again
V- volunteer
Y- yourself

If animals have Facebook account these are most likely their status…

COCKROACH : Manage to skip from sum1’s foot step…

CAT : My 7th child is asking who is her dad..?? What shall i tell her..?? I don’t even remember…

MOSQUITO : i am HIV positive……this all due to wrong sucking…

CHICKEN : if tomorrow m not updating my status means i am being served in KFC…

PIG : oh gosh..!! They throw the gossips that i m spreading flu…

Grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, ‘The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.’

Her youngest grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, ‘Then why is their Dad carrying that rifle?’

A man was disturbing a nurse by asking lame questions every now and then, he asked, “How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Nurse: “Cut your head off.”

They don’t call me Super for nothing.

You don’t have to turn on a game to play with me.

Are you a magic flower? Because you are burning me up.

Are you a magic feather? Because my heart just grew a tail, and flew away.

If Princess Toad looked anything like you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.

If I had the choice, I would spend my 100 coins on you instead of on an extra life.

We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.’

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.

The only assured gift that every one of us gets on our birthday is another year.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of …………. Lord-only-knows

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated?
A: Turkey.

Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed!

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
Ans- God save the kin.

Q: What is Thanksgiving for selfish people called?
A: Thankstaking.