I am single
Superman : Single
Batman : Single
Spider man : Single
Nobody Loves Superheros that’s why I am single.
Superman : Single
Batman : Single
Spider man : Single
Nobody Loves Superheros that’s why I am single.
Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There’s a guy on the dance floor living it large – break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!
Wife : Honey my stomach is getting bigger i think im pregnant !
Husband : yea, and i kno2 who’s the father!!!!
Wife : who ?
Husband :McDonalds
FIAT
Failure
In Italian
Automotive
Technology
FORD
For
Only
Rough
Drivers
VOLVO
Very
Odd
Looking
Vehicular
Object
OPEL
Old
People
Enjoying
Life
AUDI
Automated
Unwanted
Debt
Invitation
BMW
Biggest
Money
Waste
PORSCHE
Proof
Of
Rich
Spoilt
Children
Having
Everything
Poof be gone
your breath is so strong ,
come back you need a tic tac
not 1 not 2 you need a whole pack
When I was going to the doctors,
I was hit by the Fosters.
They came out,
I was about.
They ran to the car door,
Finish taking to the doctors.
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . .
.
.
Doctor: “What happened?”
. .
.
Woman:” Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp….”
.
. .
Doctor:”I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it…. Just gargle and gargle”.
.
. .
2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.
.
.
. Woman:” Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.
.
.
.
Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps.!
A cockroach’s last words to a man who is about to kill him:
“Go ahead and kill me, You coward!
You are jealous of me because your wife is afraid of me and NOT AFRAID OF YOU !
Little Johnny goes to the manager at convenience store and asked, “Is this store open all day, seven days a week, 365 days a year?”
“Yes,” the manager answered, puzzled at the question.
“Well, then,” he continued as he walked out, “why are there locks on the doors?”
Always carry a picture of your wife in your wallet. It will remind you of why there is no money in there………….
Nurse to Engineer: Breathe deeply in and slowly exhale, do it 3 times.
.
Engineer: ok
.
Nurse: What do u feel now….??
.
Engineer: Ur BODY SPRAY is simply awesome babe… .
Coca Cola went to town, Diet Pepsi shot him down.
Dr. Pepper fixed him up, Now were drinking 7up.
7 up got the flu, now were drinking Irn Bru.
Irn Bru fell down a mountain, now were drinking from a fountain.
Fountain broke. People choke. Now were back to drinking coke.
Boys have the muscles
Teachers can’t count
Girls have the sexy legs
So you better watch out
A Man Was Watching A Movie At Home And Suddenly Shouts “Nooooooooooooo!” Don’t!!!!!!
.
.
. .
Get Off The Horse!
Its A Trap!!
.
.
. .
Wife: What Are You Watching?
Man: Our Wedding DVD….
One girl went to a electronic shop in anger and threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from
whom she bought.
She told the salesman that you have… cheated me. I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop..
Salesman : Madam, can you please try infront of me.
This is what She did,
1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which she wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where she wanted to copy that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option.
Salesman fainted….
A famous inspirational speaker said:
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.”
Audience was in shock and silence.
He added: “She was my mother”
(A big round of plause & laughter)
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.
After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife”
Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker.
.
.
By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!
.
.
.
Moral: Don’t Copy, if you can’t Paste
roses are red
violets are blue
i got my bonus
now, i drive a pretty fast lotus
Only 3 living beings are immune to cold:
1. Penguins
2. Polar bears
3. Females wearing sleeveless and backless dresses in marriages..
People focusing on 12-12-12, have got it all wrong.
The correct numbers are 36-24-36.
Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn’t smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where’s your Ferrari then? 😛