Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said “You’re #1!”
Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day, too.
St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every month.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?”
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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
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You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately ….
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The stick Figure is back and is wrecking the windows.AOL trying to prevent but its the antivirus which controls it.Really a hilarious comedy.
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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?”
“Easy”, the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”
You throw a little girl a ball, and it will
probably hit her in the nose.
You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it.
Then it will hit him in the nose.
A major research institution after extensive study of UNMEE HQ in Asmara, Eritrea has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium”.
I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.
One year they wanted to make me poster boy – for birth control.
My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror…I feel like throwing up; What’s wrong with me?” He said…”I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”
I’m so ugly…My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
I’m so ugly…My mother had morning sickness…AFTER I was born.
I’m so ugly…I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.
I’m so ugly… I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
I was so poor growing up … if I wasn’t a boy … I’d have had nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home. “I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning … put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid…When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
Marriage is a very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence and second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
The girl wanna have a pair of brains.Interesting??huh!!!
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All the funny martial arts!!Funny kicks instead
She looks like a newbie!! see how excited she is and to add to the humor see the guys reaction.
This is what is the new government policy to tax people.
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”