Funny kitty
Really funny cats showing some real funny things
Jesus is watching you
One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He’s sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice – “Jesus is watching you!” He jumps, turns around, but he doesn’t see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. “Jesus is watching you!” He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, “Did you say that?” The parrot answers “Yes I did.” So the burglar asks, “What’s your name?” The parrot says “Clarence.” The burglar says “What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?” The parrot laughs and says, “The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler ‘Jesus’ “
The Bald Truth
Have you heard about the new shampoo for men who are going bald, its called “Whats’s the Point?”
Funny Warning
This laws seem to be too ruthless!!!
Little Billy Joke
There was once a little boy who got very good grades, straight A’s on every subject on every report card. His name was Billy. His father was very proud of him, and decided to give him one thing every year, whatever he wanted. The little boy, for one odd reason or another, chose a pink golf ball, each and every year. So finally, when the boy was sixteen, the dad got fed up with it and bought him a car. The son was fine with this, and took it on a joyride down to his favorite restaurant. He didn’t want to drivethrough and he couldn’t find a parking spot, but finally he found a spot on the other side of the street. He walked across happily, and halfway across, was hit by a truck. On his deathbed, the wounds were fatal, he was asked by his father: “What did you do with the pink golf balls?” The son replied: “Well I —” With that he died. The moral is that you should look both ways before crossing the street.
Deduction
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, “Watson, look up. What do you see?
“Well, I see thousands of stars.”
“And what does that mean to you?” Read the rest of this entry »
Approach to Love
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
Contrived Affections
A shy collegian was deeply in love with a pretty girl, but he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to give it a go, and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a her a letter of proposal.
HE WROTE :
Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much meditation. I have a strong inclination to become your relation. As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my matriculation examination – no doubt, without any hesitation, and very little preparation. What do you say to thesolemnisation of our marriage celebration according to the glorification of modern civilisation and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.
Computer Tips 4
* I hit the CTRL key but I’m still not in control!
* Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
* Disk Full – Press F1 to belch.
* Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (V)omit
* (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
* If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
* Programmer – A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
* Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.”
* Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
* Relax, it’s only ONES and ZEROS!
* Will configure ones and zeros for food!
Computer Tips 3
* Computer (dfn): A device designed to speed and automate errors.
* Press to continue …Smash forehead on keyboard to continue… Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue… Just do something!!
* E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage.
* Help! I’ve modemed and I can’t hang up!!
* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
* Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
* “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981
* DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
* Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
* Excuse me for butting in, but I’m interrupt-driven.
* Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~”
* Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
* Read my chips: No new upgrades!
* Hit any user to continue.
* 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
Computer Tips 2
* Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or file name!”
* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
* Backups? We don’t need no stinking backups.
* E Pluribus Modem
* C:\ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
* A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
* CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
* A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.
* 11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.
* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
* Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
* SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
* RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
* All computers wait at the same speed.
Computer Tips 1
* Buy a Pentium 686/300, so you can reboot faster.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2 (especially with the old Pentium chip).
* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
* My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.
* C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
* C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
* Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put in new ones.
* The name is Baud… James Baud.
* Access denied–nah nah na nah nah!
* C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
* Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! STAAAY…
Car Trouble
My wife came home yesterday and said, “Honey, the car won’t start, but I know what the problem is.” I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.
I thought for a moment, then said, “You know I don’t mean this badly, but you don’t know the carburetor from the accelerator.”
All in the Family
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes
up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from evil incarnate.
Adventures Away!
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.” The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs. Read the rest of this entry »
Funny Laws 3
“Law of Drunkedness”
You can’t fall off the floor.
“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.
“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.
“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
“Weinberg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
Funny Laws 2
“Weiler’s Law”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.
“Conway’s Law”
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
“Iron Law of Distribution”
Them that has, gets.
“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.
Funny Laws 1
“The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
“The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
Funny Ads
Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too!
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
A Tad Too Much
Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is “Your Passionate.”
Read the rest of this entry »