Four Alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different college and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their almamater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all.

They continued to argue all the way up the mountain and finally, as they reached the top, the Orangeman hurled himself off mountain, shouting, “This is for Syracuse U,” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone, the Husky threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming, “This is for Connecticut!” Seeing this, the Moutaineer walked over and shouted “This is for everyone!” and pushed the Cardinal off the side of the mountain.

HEAVEN IS WHEN YOU HAVE :
an american salary
a british home
a chinese food
a german car
an indian wife

HELL IS WHEN YOU HAVE :
an american wife
a british food
a chinese car
a german home
an indian salary

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

One day Mr President was traveling by his car. Suddenly a pig came before
the car. The driver couldn’t hit the brake at the right time and
unfortunately the pig was killed in the accident.

At the sight Mr President was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the
driver and said,”call the person whose pig has been killed,i will give him a compensation “.

At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and
lots of money in his hands!!!

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A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at
least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net.

Irish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again.

Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

In the world of romance, one single rule applies Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects — Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, “We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights.”