One Line Lesson for Grooms
Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: “Yes dear”
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Short Funny Jokes - Page 13
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Before and After Marriage
Two men were talking
1st:
I am getting married because I am tired of eating out, cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange, I am taking divorce for same reasons!
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Responsible Employee
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”
Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
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Golden Anniversary
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig pen when the woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
“Let’s have a party, William,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
“Gee, Betty,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”
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Last chance to run away
Q: During Indian Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse?
A: He is given his last chance to run away…!!
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Little Johnny and Teacher
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in the world?
Little Johnny: “ZEBRA”
Teacher: Shocked, how?
Little Johnny: Because it is still “black and white”
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Drunkard
a Drunkard was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”
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True Wishes
Boy to girl before exam: Hey all d best
Girl: All the best to u too
.
But girl scored 80 marks & boy failed
….
.
.
Moral: Only boys wish with true heart 🙂
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Funny Applications
Employees leave letters:
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave..”
From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son: “As I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
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“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
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A leave letter to the headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
“As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”
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Covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”
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Letter writing:
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.”
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A candidate’s job application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’…. As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
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Bigger Prize
At an auction in Mumbai a wealthy Indian announced that he had lost his wallet containing $10,000 and would give a reward of $100 to the person who found it.
From the back of the hall a person shouted, “I’ll give $150!”
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Scottish Husband
A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. “Wonderful,” says the mother, “What part is it?” The boy says “I play the part of the Scottish husband!” The mother scowls and says: “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.”
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English And French Navy Officials
An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference of officers from the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies. A French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked: “Why is it that we have to speak English at these conferences rather than speak French?”
Without hesitating, an American Admiral replied: “Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.” The group became silent.
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Breaking News From Ford Company
Breaking News From Ford Company – Ford is now offering a new pair of shoes to the ford owner so they can use those on their way to town to get help.
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Dumb Robber
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”
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Below Sea Grade
A boy came home from school with his exam results. “What did you get?” asked his father. “My marks are under water,” said the boy. “What do you mean ‘under water’?” ” They are all below ‘C’ (sea) level!”
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Wedding Or Boxing
Ques) Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
Ans) It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Hitler
Ques: Why did Hitler kill all of the people who weren’t German or Japanese?
Ans: Because he didn’t want to pay for the gas bill!
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Grandmother’s Funeral
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, Sir.” the employee replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
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Telephone Call
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
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