School Ahead Go Slow
Teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says “School ahead go slow”
Email This Post
Short Funny Jokes - Page 11
Email This Post
Important in 1700
The teacher said to Little Johnny, “What important in the 1700’s people did not have that we have Today.”
Little Johnny said, “ME.”
Email This Post
Future Tense
Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)
Email This Post
I M Possible
Teacher: Children nothing is impossible! Impossible itself says I M Possible
Little Johnny :Sir,then take out the tooth paste from the tube and put it back!!!
Email This Post
Investigation
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who’ll predict her future: Lady, I’m sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
Don’t tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!!
Email This Post
Road Line Painter
A blonde got a job as a road line-painter. She paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
“You get worse and worse every day!” yelled his boss.
“That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.” said blonde with a cute smile.
Email This Post
Wife Drank Petrol
Once a man ran to the Doctor,’ my wife accidentally drank some petrol. Now she is running in the house. What should I do?’
Doctor smiled, ‘Lock all the doors and windows in the house. She will stop when the petrol is over.’
Email This Post
Same Color
One day blonde Samantha asks her friend Rosy, “So Rosy what did you get for Christmas?”
Rosy, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Samantha says, “OOOOH WOW!!! I got the same exact color tie!”
Email This Post
Sense of Responsibility.
A man goes into library and asks for a book on suicide. Librarian looks him and says,
.
.
Who will return the book back!
Email This Post
Winning Attitude
Three ants saw an elephant coming.
Ant 1: we will kill him
Ant 2: we will break his legs
Ant 3: Forgive him guys, he is alone and we are 3.
Email This Post
Cherry on the Top
A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. ‘Would you like a cherry on the top ?’ asked the waitress. ‘No, thanks,’ said the girl, ‘I’m on a diet !’
Email This Post
Fake Gift
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”
Email This Post
True Fisherman
George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store.
I want to buy three trout, he said to the owner. But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me.
Why should I do that? the owner asked. So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!
Email This Post
Little Johnny Fishing
Little Johnny sat on the side of the road with a fishing line down the drain. Feeling sorry for him, and wanting to humor him, a lady gave him 50 cents, and kindly asked “How many have you caught?”
“You re the tenth this morning,” said Little Johnny
Email This Post
Laziest Soldier
A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 19 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble, sarge.”
Email This Post
Idiot Doc
Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?
Old Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.
Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.
Email This Post
Little Johnny Doing Math
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4 ?
Little Johnny: That’s not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one !
Email This Post
Girl or Salad
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries – that’s my girl.
Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
Email This Post
Headache
A doctor got a call from a very excited woman, “My son just swallowed the aspirins, what shall I do?”
Doctor replied, “Just give him a headache, what else can you do now?”
Email This Post