Name A Disease
The doctor took his patient into his office and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
The patient said, “Give me the good news.”
The doctor said, “They’re going to name a disease after you.”
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Short Funny Jokes - Page 10
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Truthful Doctor and Patient
Patient: You couldn’t treat my malaria disease, don’t I have cancer?
Doctor: No, why do you think that?
Patient: Another doctor treated my friend as a malaria patient, but he died on cancer.
Doctor: Relax, I don’t do much mistakes. If I treat anyone as a malaria patient, he always dies due to malaria.
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Choice For Lunch
Derek: I thought there was a choice for lunch today.
Josie: There is.
Derek: No, there isn’t. There’s only cheese pie.
Josie: You can choose to eat it or leave it.
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Check Came Back
Doctor: Hello. I’m calling about the check you wrote. It came back.
Old Patient: So did my arthritis.
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Few Second’s Work
Patient: How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?
Doctor: Fifty dollars.
Patient: Fifty dollars, for only a few second’s work?
Doctor: Well, I will do it very slowly.
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Blood Test
Doctor: Mrs. Samantha, you look exhausted.
Samantha (A blonde) : I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.
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Ambulance
An old patient goes to a doctor.
Doctor: “What is it that’s brought you here?”
Patient: “An ambulance. Why?”
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I was Right
A patient complained to his doctor, “I’ve been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis.”
The doctor calmly replied, “Just wait until the autopsy, then you’ll see that I was right.”
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Need Glasses
Old Man : Doctor doctor, I think I need glasses.
Waiter: You certainly do, you’ve just walked into a fast food joint!!
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Doc’s Pen
A doctor walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, he pulls a thermometer out of his pocket and tries to write with it.
Finally noticing he said, “Well, that’s just great……. ..That’s really great……. …Some one’s got my pen.”
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Words of a Doctor
“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”
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Mathematicians Afraid To Drive
Why mathematicians are afraid drive a car?
Because the width of the road is negligible comparing to its length.
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Guy vs Girl
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, “Would you like to dance?”
The girl says, “I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.”
The guy says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.”
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Beer has Female Hormones
Scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists gave100 men 24 bottles of beer each.
The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.
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Which End?
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the fork are you referring to?’
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Services of Bartender
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, ‘Do you serve women in this bar?’
‘No,’ replies the barman, ‘you have to bring your own.’
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Old Patient and Dentist
Old Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”
Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”
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True Teacher
Teacher : Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What’s that?
Teacher : With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.
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Little Attention
Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I’m paying as little attention as I can.
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Earth is Round
Teacher asked Little Johnny: How can you prove the earth is round?
Little Johnny replied: I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.
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