Successful Marriage
A successful marriage is based On give & take:
Where husband gives money,Gifts, dresses n wife takes it
Where wife gives advices, lectures,Tensions & husband takes it..!!
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Men vs Women Jokes - Page 2
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Where do you want to go for our Anniversary?
A husband and wife were sitting and taking about their upcoming marriage anniversary. Husband asks her wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?
Wife – “Somewhere I have never been!”
Husband – “How about the kitchen?”
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Smart Guy
At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, “Will you dance with me, please.?”
The arrogant girl says, ” I don’t dance with a kid.”
The taken back boy apologized, “I am sorry, I did not realize your were pregnant.”
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Radical Feminist
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up. Finally, the man says, “Look, lady, you’ve got to let me get up. I’m two miles past my stop already.”
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40th Birthday Present
A husband asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.
“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asked.
“Not really,” said the wife.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” said the husband.
“No,” she responded
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggested
She again rejected his offer.
“Well what would you like for your birthday?” the husband asked.
“I’d like a divorce,” answered the wife.
“Sorry, I wasn’t planning to spend that much,” said the husband.
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Wife’s Birthday
It’s my wife’s 30th birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know, she said . Just give me something with diamonds.”
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
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Surprise
Husband: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday?
Wife: You told me to surprise you.
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Comes With A Curse
Two women friends meet on the street, but they haven’t seen each other for years. As they are talking one woman notices that her friend has a 5 carat diamond ring, and says…
“My what a magnificent ring.”
Her friend relies, “Yes, it is, but unfortunately it comes with a curse. It comes with my husband!”
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New Year’s Day
As in many homes on New Year’s Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important – the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.
“See?” she said, continuing to smile, “You didn’t miss a thing.”
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With Me Always
A person had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet her wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said…
“You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.”
“When I got fired, you were there to support me.”
“When my business fell, you were there.”
“When I got shot, you were by my side.”
“When we lost the house, you gave me support.”
“When my health started failing, you were still by my side.”
“When I think about it now … I think you bring me bad luck!”
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Smart Woman
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, ‘I’ll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just $100 but on one condition.’
The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, ‘What’s your condition?’
Phil answered, ‘Tell me your wish in just three words.’
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, ‘Clean my house.’
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Embarrassed
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean? $300?”
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Wrong Finger
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
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Guy vs Girl
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, “Would you like to dance?”
The girl says, “I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.”
The guy says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.”
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Enjoying at Bar?
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much time at the bar, so one night he took her along. “What’ll ya have?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you, I suppose,” she replied.
So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one gulp.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out.
“Yuck, that’s nasty poison!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”
“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”
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Investigation
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who’ll predict her future: Lady, I’m sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
Don’t tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!!
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Fake Gift
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”
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Good Looks
While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” she said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.”
“Honey,” he replied with a grin, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!”
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Call Help
Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let’s better call the ambulance then.
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Women Defined by a Geography Student
Age 15 – 20
Woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild.
Age 20 – 30
Woman is like America.Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.
Age 30 – 35
Woman is like India & Japan.Very hot, wise and beautiful !
Age 35 – 40
Woman is like France.She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.
Age 40 – 50
Woman is like Germany, lost the war but not the hope.
Age 50 – 60
Woman is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.
Age 60 – 70
Woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future.
After 70, woman become Siberia.Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
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