I’m so ugly…My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
I’m so ugly…My mother had morning sickness…AFTER I was born.
I’m so ugly…I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.
I’m so ugly… I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I was so poor growing up … if I wasn’t a boy … I’d have had nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home. “I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning … put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid…When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
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Marriage is a very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence and second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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