Why don’t we see a bat alone?
Why don’t we see a bat alone?
Because bats always like to hang out with their friends!
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Funny One Liners - Page 2
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Do you know how to reach the new apartment of Mr. Ghost?
Do you know how to reach the new apartment of Mr. Ghost?
Yes, just take the first right and go to the dead end!
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Skeletons did not get the permission to play music on church, why?
Skeletons did not get the permission to play music on church, why?
Because they came without organs!
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Why did the skeleton went to the Xmas party alone?
Why did the skeleton went to the Xmas party alone?
Because he could not find any ‘body’ to accompany him!
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To all Married ones:
Always carry a picture of your wife in your wallet. It will remind you of why there is no money in there………….
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Nine Funny New Year Quotes
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
– Joey Adams
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
– Unknown
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
– Unknown
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account
– Oscar Wilde
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
– Bill Vaughan
New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
– James Agate
New Year’s Day…now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
– Mark Twain
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
– Anais Nin
New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
– Mark Twain
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Pick Up Lines Used by Engineers
Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
Hey baby, let’s make a stress-strain curve together.
Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.
Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintosh’s
.
You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it
How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?
My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
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10 Funniest Definitions
Television – A commercial delivery system.
Unfair Competition – Selling more cheaply than we do.
Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Hardware – The parts of a computer which can be kicked.
Committee – An entity that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Management – The art of getting other people to do the work.
Tycoon – A person for whom the government makes customized laws.
Ability – The virtue you are forced to use if your boss has no daughter.
Feature – A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.
Password – Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor.
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12 Funniest Profession Definitions
Civil Servant : Someone who isn’t civil and doesn’t serve.
Nurse : A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
HR Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Psychologist : Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.
Statistician : Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer.
Programmer : Someone who fixes a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Consultant : Someone who uses your wife’s watch, tells you the time,and then charges you for it.
Economist : An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
Banker : Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.
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What is Mathematics?
Mathematics consists in proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way.
– George Polya
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.
– J. H. Poincare
“Mathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper.”
– David Hilbert
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Bumper Stickers seen on a Cars driven by Woman
Born to shop
Wink, i’ll do the rest!
I brake for no apparent reason
Why be difficult – be impossible
Sorry, i don’t date outside my species.
All men are idiots….I married their king.
I need someone really bad…Are you really bad.
I may be fat, but you’re ugly – i can lose weight!
Men call us birds, we pick up worms.
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