There were three men a brunette, a red-hed and a blond. they were opening the lunch boxes, The brunette opened his first and said “AWW nut if I get another turkey sandwitch i’m going to jump of this building. So the red-head opens his lunch and said “AWW nuts if I get another ham sandwitch i’m going to jump off the building.” So the blond opens his lunch and said “AWW nut if I get another boloni sandwitch i’m going to jump off this building”

So the next day……
The brunette opens his lunch and he get turkey so he jumps off the building.
The red-head opens his lunch and gets ham sandwitch so he jumps of the building.
The blnd opens his lunch and gets boloni and so he jumps off the cliff……..

At the funeral The wife’s of the three men are sobbing. The brunettes wife said “if only I knew he didn’t like turkey!” and the other people are confronting her. The red-heads wife said “if only I knew he din’t like ham!” and the people are confronting her. so all the people turn to the blonds wife and she said “What don’t look at me he made his own lunches.”

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!

yo momma so ugly she entered a ugly contest and they said no pros allowed

yo momma so old she got jesus aim

yo momma so stupid she thought a penny was abe lincoln

yo momma so poor she chased down a garbage truck with a shopping list

yo momma so ashe it look like she rubbed her body against the chalk board

yo momma so stupid that left her brain in the supermarket

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful … CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking!

Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I’m driving.”

Question How u make a blonde go crazy
Answer. Put her in a round room and tell her to go to the corner

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.

She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

“My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family”,

she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.”

“What do you mean my child?” asked the patriarch of the family.

What I mean dad is:

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to control your son!

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office. The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already. I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!”

The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.” So the dentist ask him, “Which tooth is it sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.”

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, ‘Pardon me, ma’ am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.’
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, ‘No he didn’t. He just walked in the door.

One day a mother told her daughter(yes blonde) that she wanted the house yellow while she goes to work. When the mother got home the house the green. She asked her daughter why did you paint the house green. And the daughter said you told me you wanted the house yellow so i painted it green and in a few weeks the house should ripe and turn yellow.

Yo mama is so stupid she died in a non fatal crash