Another Doctor
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick old man and said,
“I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the old man faintly, “Another doctor”.
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Funny Doctor Jokes - Page 2
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Three Pills
A old man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well.
The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine the old man stammers, “Ohhh! doc, exactly what’s my problem?”
The Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.”
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Speaking To His Son
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife….”
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Stupid Patient
Patient: Doctor, give me a medicine which will change my mood to an angry mood.
Doctor: You don’t need any medicine. One of my slaps will be enough.
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Become a Horse
A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am…
Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?
Woman: How do you know?!
Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.
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Laughing Doctor
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”
“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“I’m a gynecologist.”
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Name A Disease
The doctor took his patient into his office and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
The patient said, “Give me the good news.”
The doctor said, “They’re going to name a disease after you.”
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Three Doctors
Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck… it’s probably a duck,” shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, “Hmmmm…green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound…might be a duck.” He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, “Go see if that was a duck.”
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Truthful Doctor and Patient
Patient: You couldn’t treat my malaria disease, don’t I have cancer?
Doctor: No, why do you think that?
Patient: Another doctor treated my friend as a malaria patient, but he died on cancer.
Doctor: Relax, I don’t do much mistakes. If I treat anyone as a malaria patient, he always dies due to malaria.
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Check Came Back
Doctor: Hello. I’m calling about the check you wrote. It came back.
Old Patient: So did my arthritis.
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Too Obvious
A woman called her doctor to complain about her husband’s snoring. “Is there anything you can do?”
“Well, there is one operation that will cure your husband, but it’s rather expensive. $1,000 plus $450 a month for 36 months.”
“My god!” exclaimed the woman, “that’s like leasing a sports car!”
“Hmm,” the doctor murmured. “Too obvious, eh?”
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Few Second’s Work
Patient: How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?
Doctor: Fifty dollars.
Patient: Fifty dollars, for only a few second’s work?
Doctor: Well, I will do it very slowly.
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No Refills
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.
‘Is it true,’ she wanted to know, ‘that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? ‘
‘Yes, I’m afraid so,’ the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, ‘I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.’
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Blood Test
Doctor: Mrs. Samantha, you look exhausted.
Samantha (A blonde) : I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.
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I was Right
A patient complained to his doctor, “I’ve been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis.”
The doctor calmly replied, “Just wait until the autopsy, then you’ll see that I was right.”
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Doc’s Pen
A doctor walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, he pulls a thermometer out of his pocket and tries to write with it.
Finally noticing he said, “Well, that’s just great……. ..That’s really great……. …Some one’s got my pen.”
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Doctor with Teaching Abilities
A man walks into his doctor’s office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, “I can’t talk! Help me!”
The doctor nodded sagely, and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk, but he does as the doctor ordered.
The doctor quickly picked up a big book and whacks the man’s thumb with it as hard as he could.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! !!” the man yelled.
“Good, good,” the doctor said. “Come back tomorrow and we’ll work on the `B’.”
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Words of a Doctor
“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”
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Pneumonia Specialist
Doctor!!
What happened?
I have fever.
Ok, go back to your home; take a bath with ice cold water, then lie under fan for 12 hours without any clothes. Come back tomorrow.
I will be fine then?
No. you will get Pneumonia.
What?
Don’t worry. I am only a Pneumonia specialist.
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Dentist and Patient
Patient: Doctor, my teeth…
Doctor: I know what to do. Open your mouth.
When the patient opened his mouth and the dentist pulled three of his front teeth.
Patient: What have you done?!
Doctor: Its weird, I pulled three of your teeth without any bleeding.
Patient: Those were fake teeth.
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