Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
“Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked.
“To make myself beautiful,”said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”
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Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Little Johnny replies, “A teacher.”
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The School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say your prayers before eating?”
“No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”
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Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school.
His mother asks, “What did you learn in school today?”
Little Johnny replies, “Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
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Little Johnny : Mom, do you know what I’m going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, dear, what?
Little Johnny: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I’ve got a nice teapot.
Little Johnny: No you haven’t. I’ve just dropped it.
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Little Johnny walked into the house covered in filth. His mom asked, “Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?”
Johnny replied, ” I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.”
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Little Johnny was going to his grandparent’s house one day and he was packing everything in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his grandparent’s house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing “This damn thing is so heavy”
A priest heard him and came out.
“You shouldn’t be swearing” said the priest.
“God hears you…He is everywhere…He’s in the church…He’s on the sidewalk…He’s everywhere”
Then Little Johnny says “Oh is he in my Wagon”
The priest replies “Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon”
Little Johnny says “Well tell him to come out and start pulling”
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“If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?”
“One dollar.” answered little Johnny.
“You don’t know your basic math.” said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, “You don’t know my daddy.”
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In the week before Thanksgiving Little Johnny was asked to write a paragraph entitled: ‘What I am most thankful for on Thanksgiving Day’.
Little Johnny wrote: ‘I am thankful that I’m not a turkey at Thanksgiving.’
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Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
Little Johnny – Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.
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The teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months.”
Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?”
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”
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One day, Little Johnny’s grandmother sent him to the waterhole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma’s house as fast as he could.
“Where’s my bucket and my water?” She asked.
“I can’t get any water from that water hole, there’s a mean old alligator down there!”
“Now don’t you mind that old alligator, Johnny.
He’s been there for years, and he’s never hurt no one.
Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Well, Grandma,” replied Johnny, “if he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”
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Teacher to Little Johnny – When is your birthday?
Little Johnny – 17th July.
Teacher – What year?
Little Johnny – Every year!
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The Teacher asked Little Johnny, “How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?”
Little Johnny replied, “Just Don’t bite any.”
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School teacher asked Little Johnny, “Do you believe in the Devil?”
“No,” said Little Johnny. “It’s the same as Santa Claus. I know it’s my daddy.”
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Teacher to Little Johnny – Tell me one thing which flies in the sky but gives birth on earth
Little Johnny replies in a fraction of second- Air Hostess
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Teacher: “Where did the Pilgrims ( of thanksgiving) come from?”
Little Johnny: “Their parents, of course!”
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The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he says. “My daddy taught me.”
“Can you tell me what comes after three?”
“Four,” answers little Johnny.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven,” answers little Johnny.
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?”
“A jack,” answers little Johnny.
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Little Johnny came rushing in to his Dad. “Dad!” he puffed, “is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?”
“That’s what they say,” said his Dad.
“Well, give me an apple quick ? I’ve just broken the doctor’s window!”
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Teacher: How much is half of 8
Little Johnny: Up and down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Little Johnny: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
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