One man goes to a shop to purchase an umbrella. He had been told that one could bargain for better prices in this shop
Man: How much does this umbrella cost?
Shopkeeper: Rs. 200
Man: Can I have it for Rs. 100?
Shopkeeper: Ok I’ll give it to you for Rs.150.
Man: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then?
Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100.
Man: Can I have it for Rs. 50?
Thus shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don’t you take it for free?
Man: OK, can I have two of them?
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A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer’s garden. “I’ll give you my two pennies for that tomato,” said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.
“No,” said the farmer, “I get a dime for a tomato like that one.”
The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, “Will you take two pennies for that one?”
“Yes,” replied the farmer, “I’ll give you that one for two cents.”
“OK,” said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer’s hand, “I’ll pick it up in about a week.”
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The owner of a company tells his employees:
You worked very hard this year therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I ‘ll give everyone a check for $5000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks.
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A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,he said to his boss.Should I give him his money back?
Money back?roared the boss.What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.
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A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters’ place.
They put up a big bold sign which read:
“WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!”
Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:
“WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS”
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An manager walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, “I want coffee”.
The waiter says, “Sure Sir, coming right up”.
He gets the manager a tall mug of coffee, and the manager drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the manager returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “I want coffee”.
The waiter says, “Whoa, we’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway”?
The manager smiles and proudly says, “I am training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave a mess for others to clean up, and disappear for rest of day.
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Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below. One of the balloonists calls down to him:
“We’re lost! Can you tell us where we are?”
The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out:
“You’re in a balloon!”
The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other:
“That man must be a manager.”
“Why?”
“Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!”
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The world is divided into two groups. There are those who know, and those who don’t know. Those who know are no problem.
Those who don’t know are also in two groups.
One is those who don’t know and know they don’t know. Well, they can learn!
But then, there are those who don’t know, and don’t know they don’t know. And they become unit managers!
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The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.
“My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”
“It was terrible,” her husband said, “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”
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A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.”
The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”
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Caller: ‘Hello, is this Tech Support?’
Tech: ‘Yes, it is. How may I help you?’
Caller: ‘The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.How do I go about getting that fixed?’
Tech: ‘I`m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?’ Caller: ‘Yes, it`s attached to the front of my computer.’
Tech: ‘Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It`s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional offer, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?’
Caller: ‘It came with my computer, I don`t know anything about a promotional. It just has `4X` on it.’
Tech: Sir, that’s the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive and not a cup holder.
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This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, “I’m a walking economy.”
The friend asks, “How so?”
“My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!”
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