A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him “Doctor I’m hurting all over my body.”
“That’s odd” replied the doctor “Show me what you mean”
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says to her “Your not a natural brunette are you?”
“No I’m a blonde” she replies.
“I thought so…. your finger is broken.” replies the doctor
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A blonde was going to send his boy to school and was discussing with the principal what courses he should take.
The principal was talking about math courses and suggested he would probably later on take geometry and trigonometry.
The blonde heard this and said “Great! Be sure and give him lot’s of that there triggernometry! He’s got to be the worst shot with a rifle of anybody I have ever seen!”
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A blond gets on a plane and goes up to first-class. The flight attendant tells her that she will have to move back; her ticket is not for first class. The blond says, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to California.” The main flight attendant is brought in and explains that she will have to move. The blond says, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to California.”
The attendants tell the pilot. He comes in and looks the situation over. He leans over and whispers something to the blond and she gets up immediately and moves out of first class. The attendants are flabbergasted, “What did you say to her?” “I just told her that this section of the plane doesn’t go to California.”
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Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.
As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are…very slowly?”
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.
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John gets a call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.
“I’ve got a problem,” says Buffy.
“What’s the matter?” asks John.
“Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”
“What’s the picture of?” asks John.
“It’s of a big rooster,” replies Buffy.
“All right,” says John. “I’ll come over and have a look.”
So he goes over to Buffy’s house and she greets him by saying, “Thanks for coming over.” Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.
John looks at the puzzle and then turns to her and says, “For heaven’s sake, Buffy, put the corn flakes back in the box.”
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A blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator.
On the third floor a man gets on who’s perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build , but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th floor.
Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, “Someone should give him Head & Shoulders.”
To which the blonde replies, “How do you give Shoulders?”
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This blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots a blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field.
“Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?”
The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, “Because it is an ocean of wheat.”
The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field. “It is blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.”
The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again.
The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field then yelled, “if I could swim I would come out there and kicked you.”
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She Was So Blond…
…she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”.
…she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
…she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
…she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DONT WALK”.
…she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
…she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
…she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
…she tried to drown a fish.
…she thought a quarterback was a refund.
…she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
…if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back.
…they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
…under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”
…she tripped over a cordless phone.
…she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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A blonde walks into a bank in Toronto and asks for the Loans Officer.
She tells the Loans Officer that she is going on a business trip to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.00. The Loans Officer says that the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car was parked on the street outside the bank.
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Two blondes were riding a train for the first time. They had brought along a bag of apples for lunch. Just as one bit into
her apple, the train entered a tunnel under a mountain.
In the darkness was overheard, “Did you take a bite of your apple?”
“No.”
“Well, don’t. I did and I just went blind.”
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A blonde is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the capitol building. Unfortunately, she can’t find it, so she asks a police officer for directions.
“Excuse me, officer,” the blonde says, “how do I get to the capitol building?”
The officer says, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.”
The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.
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A blonde’s house is somehow set on fire so she runs outside to use a pay phone to call for help.
She gets the 911 operator, and is transferred to the firehouse.
“Mr. Fireman, my house is on fire. You have to help me!”
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
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Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond?
A: They open on impact.
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Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
“Help, help!” yells one of the blondes.
“Help us, help us!” yells the other.
“Maybe it would help if we yelled together,” said the first blonde.
“Good idea,” said the other.
“Together, together!”
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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, “Look at that dog with one eye!”
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, “Where ?”
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New inventions by blonde :
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
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