Blondes in a dark hole
Two blondes are in a dark hole one says “man it’s dark down here”
The other says “yeah i’m not sure I can’t see”
Email This Post
Funny Blonde Jokes
Email This Post
Blondes Talking about Geography
Two blondes were talking about geography. One of them said it is possible to see England from Canada.
The other blonde looking rather confused said, ” I don’t think so”
The first blonde said, “See how close they are on the map.”
Email This Post
Glaciers Brought Rocks
A blonde on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, “Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?”
“The glaciers brought them down,” said the guide.
“But where are the glaciers?”
“The glaciers,” said the guide in a frustrated tone, “have gone back for more rocks.”
Email This Post
Blonde Trying New Dress
Blonde 1: That dress is too tight for you. It’s skintight!
Blonde 2: It’s tighter than my skin.
Blonde 1: How could anything be tighter than your skin?
Blonde 2: I can sit down in my skin, but I can’t in this dress.
Email This Post
Home Improvement
A Blonde goes to the bank and applies for a loan.
“I want a loan, I’m going to divorce my husband.”
“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces” the manager says, “We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements….”
Blonde interrupts and says, “Well, this is certainly a ‘Home Improvement.’
Email This Post
Blonde in Sahara
A Blonde wandering in the Sahara was wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses.
An Arab which passed by her gazed at her in amazement and asked, “What are you doing all the way out here dressed like that!?”
“I’m going swimming,” the blonde explained.
“But the ocean is eight hundred miles away,” the Arab informed him.
“Eight hundred miles!” the blonde exclaimed with a whistle of appreciation. “Boy, wow, what a beach!”
Email This Post
Blonde Uses Her Mind
Two blonde sisters were lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly, one blonde jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and goes downstairs.
Finally she comes back up to bed and says, “The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
Blonde says, “I’ve put their dog in our yard – now we’ll see how they like it!”
Email This Post
Hair Restorer
Blonde Samantha’s hair kept falling out and she complained to the barber “That stuff you gave me is terrible! You said two bottles of it would make me hair grow, but nothing’s happened.”
“I do not understand it,” said the barber. “That is the best hair restorer made.”
“Well,” said Samantha, “I do not mind drinking another bottle, but it better work!”
Email This Post
Parked Somewhere Else
A blonde was filling out an accident report. She had dented a parked car while trying to park her own.
One question on the report was, “What could the operator of the other vehicle have done to avoid the accident?”
She wrote, “He could have parked it somewhere else.”
Email This Post
Blonde Giving Interview
A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics. “So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying “Ehhhh… 22!”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces “Five foot two!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won’t have to count, measure, or lookup.
“Just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “MANDY!”
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks – “What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?”
“Ohhhh, that!” replies the airhead… ” I was just running through that song – ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear..
Email This Post
Blonde’s Thanksgiving
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.
“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.
“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”
Email This Post
Blood Test
Doctor: Mrs. Samantha, you look exhausted.
Samantha (A blonde) : I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.
Email This Post
Road Line Painter
A blonde got a job as a road line-painter. She paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
“You get worse and worse every day!” yelled his boss.
“That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.” said blonde with a cute smile.
Email This Post
Same Color
One day blonde Samantha asks her friend Rosy, “So Rosy what did you get for Christmas?”
Rosy, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Samantha says, “OOOOH WOW!!! I got the same exact color tie!”
Email This Post
Steelhead in River
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
“We don’t have any.” replied the first blonde.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses.” said the Game Warden.
“But officer,” replied the second blonde,”we aren’t fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want.” And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two, “doesn’t he know that there are steelhead in this river?!
Email This Post
Blonde in Factory
A foreman of a factory was making his rounds inspecting how all of the workers were doing their jobs. “Well” he said to one blond worker, “I see you are doing a very diligent job stamping all of the boxes ‘THIS SIDE UP’. “Yes” the worker replied, eager to please, “and just to be extra sure I stamped the bottom also!”
Email This Post
Did you hear about a blonde that
When asked what the capital of California was; answered “C”.
Couldn’t call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
Couldn’t learn to water ski because she couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said “2 to 4 years”
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
Email This Post
First Class Seat
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
Email This Post
10 Blonde Science Projects
10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
9) Is lighter fluid flammable?
8 ) What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
7) Are knives sharp?
6) Can sharks hurt a human?
5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
3) Can I eat broken glass and live?
2) Can dogs talk?
1) Are blondes really dumb?
Email This Post
Blonde in a Plane
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..”
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “Be silent!”
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”
Email This Post