There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions “What happened on June 6, 1944?” “We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!”
“What was the turning point of world war 2?” “Battle of the bulge, sir!”
“What’s is the importance of May 12” The Man thought and thought “I don’t know, sir!” The superior then said “Well, I’ll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday”
Email This Post
John and Juan join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who’s on the streets after 6 o’clock. So one day, they’re out at twenty to 6, when Juan spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. John is shocked. “What are you doin’, Juan? It ain’t 6 yet!” “I know what I’m doin’. I know where he lives and he wouldn’t have made it!”
Email This Post
Let me tell you about my doctor. He’s very good.
If you tell him you want a second opinion, he’ll go out and come in again.
———–
Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
———–
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, “Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.” The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
———–
One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.” The doctor asked, “When did it start?” The man replied, “When did what start?”
———–
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: “Don’t answer it.”
———–
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.
———–
You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, then he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.”
Email This Post
Little Johnny came rushing in to his Dad. “Dad!” he puffed, “is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?”
“That’s what they say,” said his Dad.
“Well, give me an apple quick ? I’ve just broken the doctor’s window!”
Email This Post
An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.
“I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.”
“That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.”
“How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor.
“Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”
Email This Post
The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: “All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!” Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse’s back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens: “All right, just half of you this time!”
Email This Post
During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was. After everyone had answered, he sneered and said “you are all wrong, the army is now your home”. Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say “you bet I do” the sergeant replied, “men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?
Email This Post
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a PFC knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the PFC to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.” Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, “What do you want?” “Nothing important, sir,” the PFC replied, “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”
Email This Post
1. Your mail goes to four addresses in two countries before it reaches you.
2. You know the Tricare regulations/procedures better than their service reps.
3. You are strangely attracted (or repulsed) by the color green.
4. You can calculate the cost of a 5-minute phone call from any country, any time, on up to four different calling plans.
5. At a distance, you can pick out your husband from 100 other men with identical haircuts and clothes.
Email This Post
The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander.” Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. “Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn’t you be a bit more tactful, next time?” “Yes, sir,” answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath’s mother died. You’d better go tell him and send him in to see me . This time be more tactful.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. “Ok, men, fall in and listen up.” “Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward.” “Not so fast, McGrath!”
Email This Post
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
Email This Post
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. “Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside “Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys “Yours is.”
Email This Post
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, “That’s it.”
Email This Post
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Email This Post
Secure the building has following meaning for them
The Army will put guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.
Email This Post
An old man enters a hospital to have a minor operation.
A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.
“In case of emergency, whom should we notify?”
“You mean if I become very sick?”
“Well . . . yes.”
“If that happens, call a doctor!”
Email This Post
Teacher: How much is half of 8
Little Johnny: Up and down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Little Johnny: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
Email This Post
The patient demanded, “Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant.”
“WHAT?” yelled the doctor. “Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants. ”
“Well,” explained the patient, “my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized. “
Email This Post
You are fascinated by Calculus
You know by heart the first fifty digits of PI.
You know ten ways to prove Pythagoras Theorem.
Your telephone number is the sum of two prime numbers.
You are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.
Email This Post
Mathematics consists in proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way.
– George Polya
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.
– J. H. Poincare
“Mathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper.”
– David Hilbert
Email This Post