A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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Four Alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different college and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their almamater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all.

They continued to argue all the way up the mountain and finally, as they reached the top, the Orangeman hurled himself off mountain, shouting, “This is for Syracuse U,” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone, the Husky threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming, “This is for Connecticut!” Seeing this, the Moutaineer walked over and shouted “This is for everyone!” and pushed the Cardinal off the side of the mountain.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, “How much for a season pass?”

HER DIARY

I asked him what was wrong – he said,
“Nothing.”
I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not
to worry.
On the way home, I told him that I loved
him, but he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can’t explain his behaviour; I don’t
know why he didn’t say, “I love you too.”

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost
him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me
anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV; he
seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About
10 minutes later he came to bed.

I decided that I could not take it
anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation
but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I fell asleep.

I do not know what to do. I’m almost sure that his
thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

Today India lost the cricket match again.
DAMN IT

A man was hailed into court for dumping rubbish in a forbidden area.

The judge asked, “Didn’t you see the sign posted there?”

“Yes sir, I sure did,” replied the man.

“It says real plain in big letters . . .

‘FINE FOR DUMPING’!'”