Chemistry Of Women and Men

Two new additions to the periodic table of elements:

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Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly.
Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a shinier specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape
easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.
Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as
young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time.
May neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.