Q: Why is a math book always unhappy?
A: Because it always has lots of problems.

Q: What happened to the plant in math class?
A: It grew square roots.

You are fascinated by Calculus

You know by heart the first fifty digits of PI.

You know ten ways to prove Pythagoras Theorem.

Your telephone number is the sum of two prime numbers.

You are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.

Teacher: “Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?”

Little Johnny: “It’s 42!”

Teacher: “Very good! – And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?”

Little Johnny: “It’s 24!”

One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.

The fire chief says, “Well, you look like a good guy. I’d be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test.”

The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire departmentwhich contains a dumpster, a spigot, and a hose. The chief then says, “OK, you’re walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What doyou do?”

The mathematician replies, “Well, I hook up the hose to the spigot, turn the water on, and put out the fire.”

The chief says, “That’s great… perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if you’re walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?”

The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, “I light the dumpster on fire.”
The chief yells, “What? That’s horrible! Why would you light the dumpster onfire?”

The mathematician replies, “Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I’ve already solved.”

* I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

* I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn’t actually reach it.

* I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

* I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.

* I couldn’t figure out whether I am the square of negative one or I am the square root of negative one.

A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying “I differentiate you!”

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him andsaid “I differentiate you!”, but for once, his victim’s expression didn’t change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly “I differentiate you!”, but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out “I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!”

The new patient calmly looked up and said, “You can differentiate me all you like: I’m e to the x.”

Prove that 3=4

Suppose:
a + b = c

This can also be written as:
4a – 3a + 4b – 3b = 4c – 3c

After reorganizing:
4a + 4b – 4c = 3a + 3b – 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

Choose any two number a and b,
Let t = a + b.

Then
a + b = t
(a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b)
a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb
a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb
a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – tb + (t^2)/4
(a – t/2)^2 = (b – t/2)^2
a – t/2 = b – t/2
a = b

So all numbers are the same, and math is useless.