A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes.
“I’ll have a ‘jumbo jet,'” he said.
When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway.
He called his waiter over. “Was that the ‘jumbo jet?'” he asked.
“Yeah,” the waiter answered. “Went pretty fast, didn’t it?”
Email This Post
Mom: Johnny, there were two chocolate cakes yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why?
Johnny: I don’t know. It must have been so dark I didn’t see the other one.
Email This Post
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your Oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.” “Heck, Gloria,” the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, “we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn’t heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!”
Email This Post
Derek: I thought there was a choice for lunch today.
Josie: There is.
Derek: No, there isn’t. There’s only cheese pie.
Josie: You can choose to eat it or leave it.
Email This Post
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the fork are you referring to?’
Email This Post
A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. ‘Would you like a cherry on the top ?’ asked the waitress. ‘No, thanks,’ said the girl, ‘I’m on a diet !’
Email This Post
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries – that’s my girl.
Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
Email This Post
An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales.” The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, “Ma’am, I suggest you weigh your son.”
Email This Post
Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?
Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?
Johnny: It’s because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce, but now it’s gone.
Email This Post
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”
Email This Post
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”
“That’s okay, dear,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”
Email This Post
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?”
“Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.
“I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”
Email This Post
Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”
Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.
If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece.
It’s called “fast” food because you’re supposed to eat it really fast. Otherwide, you might actually taste it.
Email This Post