You are what I want for Christmas.

Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it

I’ve got you on my “nice and naughty list!

Even Santa doesn’t make candy as sweet as you.

I like milk and cookies but I would rather have you

Shouldn’t you be sitting on top of the tree, Angel?

How about I slip down YOUR chimney, at half past midnight?

Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.

Please do not be alarmed if a big man wearing a red suit picks you up and throws you into a bag. (Why?) Because I asked for you for Christmas.

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little Hohnny and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

Similarities between Santa and Geeks shows Santa is A Geek

1. Santa is bearded, obese, and dresses funny.

2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving a definite answer are infinitesimal.

3. Santa seldom answers you directly but when it comes to mail he is superfast.

4. Santa doesn’t care about your deadlines.

5. Nobody can demand answers from Santa for his actions.

1. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would’ve fit.

2. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.

3. I really don’t deserve this.

4. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!

5. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say “We hate Christmas,” and “Go away Santa.”

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.”

9. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

10. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you’ve moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don’t exist!

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

The kid says, “Yeah.”

The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.”

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”

The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse’s brain instead of on his back.”

It was Christmas time and this woman invited all her family to her house to eat. So they gathered around the table and she asked her son to pray.

He said: “But I do not know what to say.”

She said: “Say what I said this morning.”

So he said: “Dear God, why did I invite all these people to my house?”

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’

‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Emily sweetly.

‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What do would you like me to bring her?’

Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, ‘A son-in-law.’