Children: You spend the first 2 years teaching them to walk and talk.
Then the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Little Johnny goes to the manager at convenience store and asked, “Is this store open all day, seven days a week, 365 days a year?”

“Yes,” the manager answered, puzzled at the question.

“Well, then,” he continued as he walked out, “why are there locks on the doors?”

Teacher : What is the longest word in the English language?

Little Johnny : Smiles

Teacher : How?

Little Johnny : There is a mile between the first and last letters!

Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eying my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blonds Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.

The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally, he asked, “Are they your kids?”

“Yes, they are!” I answered proudly.

“They adopted?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“I thought so,” he concluded. “I figured you’re too old to have kids that small.”

This joke is submitted by Matt Heighton

Mom teaching maths to Little Johnny.

Lets practice maths Johnny. We will start with addition. Example Lily gave you 2 candies and 1 ice cream. What will be your answer?

Little Johnny blushes and says… I love You Lily 😉

Little Johnny was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”

“Sixteen,” Little Johnny responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. “How do you know that?”

“Easy,” Little Johnny said.

“All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

Little Johnny and Jacky are talking to each other.

Jacky says, “What does your dad do for a living?”

Little Johnny says, “He is a lawyer.”

Jacky says, “Honest?”

“No, just a regular lawyer.” says Little Johnny

The cruise director of a cruise ship was demonstrating to a group of young passengers how the ship manages to stay level at sea.

“Do you know what level means?” he asked the group of six to eight year-olds.

Little Johnny replied immediately. “A level is something you need to pass to get to a harder screen in a video game.”

A salesman telephoned a household, and Little Johnny answered. Salesman: “May I speak to your mother?”
Little Johnny: “She’s not here right now.”
Salesman: “Well, is anyone else there?”
Little Johnny: “My sister.”
Salesman: “O.K., fine. May I speak to her?”
Little Johnny: “I guess so.”
At this point there was a very long silence on the phone.
Then:
Little Johnny: “Hello?”
Salesman: “It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.”
Little Johnny: “I tried. But I can’t get her out of the playpen.”

Little Johnny had been searching through a stationer’s stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked,

“Just what is it you’re looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?”

Little Johnny shook his head and answered, “No….got any blank report cards?”